RUSH: The number of things that are absurd in the news today, thank God it’s Open Line Friday. And you know what, folks? I overslept today for the first time in I can’t tell you when. Unlike mere mortals, there are no alarms that work for me. And because Kathryn’s out of town, I am el solo. And the only thing that will wake me up is light.

There’s no alarm. I’ve tried those vibrate — (interruption) The cat couldn’t care less. If the cat isn’t hungry it isn’t gonna wake me up. The cat doesn’t need to wake you up to go outside ’cause it can get to the litter box on its own. So, anyway, it’s been a brutal week. It has just been brutal, in terms of stuff — not here. Just life stuff. And I guess it caught up with me last night. I had to go to New York on Wednesday. I got back at four in the morning, a bunch of stuff last night, and it just caught up with me. And I left every shade wide open. And it’s freaking overcast out there so there was not enough sunlight coming in.

I woke up and I looked at the clock and it said 9:20, and folks that is panic city. I still had two and a half hours and I am in absolute panic. So I have felt just compressed all morning getting ready for today’s busy broadcast. And I’m telling you, it is a doozy. There’s just so much absurdity today. Let me just give you an example. Let me just run through some of the headlines.

“Women’s College Retires Annual Vagina Monologues Presentation as Transphobic.” This is Mount Holyoke college. It’s an all-women’s college in Massachusetts. It’s going to quit performing its annual production of Vagina Monologues because the play is not inclusive of transgender students. In other words, guys who’ve had a chopadickoffamy and don’t actually have vaginas. So it is insulting to transgenders who think they’re women but don’t have vaginas to do the Vagina Monologues. It’s insulting to the transgenders so they’re gonna ban it.

Now, you remember, the Vagina Monologues used to be one of the anthems. Eve Ensler wrote it and every modern day feminazi swore by it, went to Broadway or wherever they had to go, to see it performed. Jane Fonda raved about it even during the exercise videos. Might have even had some fun there, if you know what I mean. But now it’s become sexist, it’s become bigoted, the Vagina Monologues! If you think these people are not just absolute Looney Tunes. That’s just one headline.

“Pot-Based Sex Spray for Women Hitting Colorado Shelves — A new pot spray promising to help women have better sex will hit the shelves in Colorado next week.” I mean, if you’re gonna ban the Vagina Monologues, what are you gonna do to replace it? Sex spray based on marijuana, right there. I’m gonna get the details later. If you want to know where to spray it, hang on.

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RUSH: You know Elon Musk? He’s the inventor of the Tesla electric car, and he’s very popular amongst young tech aspiring Steve Jobs types. They love the guy. He’s got a SpaceX program and he’s trying to launch spaceships to Mars and maybe take Stephen Hawking with him so Hawking will live forever ’cause Hawking thinks we’re all doomed forever here on earth. Which we are, by the way. I don’t know anybody yet who hasn’t died. Hawking says we’re all going to, really? Stephen Hawking says we’re all gonna die on earth. No! No! Yes, we must colonize. Oh, okay.

Do you realize we’re surrounded by genuine idiocy that is presented to us as genius beyond which we can never hope to understand. Elon Musk has donated $10 million to keep artificial intelligence from wiping out humanity. “Elon Musk has been talking about the dangers of artificial intelligence going genocidal for months,” and now he’s giving $10 million to The Future of Life Institute. That’s a nonprofit. “The goal of ‘working to mitigate existential risks facing humanity.’ The organization will distribute MuskÂ’s donation to scientists working toward ‘keeping AI beneficial to humanity.'”

Snerdley, you’re not supposed to ask that question. Snerdley said, “Well, who’s working on the evil version of artificial intelligence?” That just goes to show you don’t understand it. See, the problem is artificial intelligence is gonna make itself evil. We’re gonna build artificial intelligence. The intelligence we build is going to be independently intelligent. It’s not gonna depend on lines of code. It’s not gonna depend on input from us. It’s gonna grow on its own. It’s gonna expand its intellect and, as such, it will automatically go to the evil side. So Elon Musk is trying to get money to engineers and scientists to make sure that artificial intelligence stays on the good side. It’s above my pay grade, but this is how global warming got started, people being recipients of donor brands.

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RUSH: I’ve still got one thing that I put here in the absurd Stack today, the silly Stack or what have you. Listen to this headline. This the from the Weekly Standard. It’s from Daniel Halper. “Pedophile’s ‘Fixer’ Maintains Close Ties to the Clintons,” and even raised more money for Bill.

Okay, pedophile, that Jeffrey Epstein. The fixer, okay, who is that? Well, this is the woman named Ghislaine Maxwell. Her name, if you’ve seen it in print and not being sure how to pronounce it, her name is spelled G-h-i-s-l-a-i-n-e. It looks like Ghislaine. She’s the daughter of the late press baron Robert Maxwell, who at one time owned the New York Daily News. He’s the guy who was found floating dead in the ocean a few feet from his luxury yacht, drowned or some such thing years and years ago, back in the nineties.

Now, Ghislaine Maxwell is a socialite. She’s up there. She’s a Brit and she ranks high there. She’s a friend of Tony Blair. She ranks up there. She ranks everywhere. She’s a huge socialite, and she is said to be the fixer for Epstein. She is said to be almost the mother hen to the young girls that Epstein would bring into the house to do sex acts for Epstein’s buddies, and that’s what has looped in now Prince Andrew, ’cause there’s this 17-year-old, then 17, now 30 year-old woman who was one of these underage women brought in to provide sex and massages and whatever else for the friends of Jeffrey Epstein, and there are convictions on this, or a deal.

We know it happened, is the bottom line. Epstein didn’t admit to nearly all of it, but we know it happened. The Palm Beach police specifically know all that happened, and there was a lot of frustration here, folks, because the Democrat Party got involved here, and the case was turned over to the state attorney, away from the local Palm Beach police, and it was there a very, very sweetheart deal was swung, said to be with influence from other locales, New York and Washington.

So Epstein got 13 months, I think, and then some in-home arrest and then it’s done, except that he is a level 1 sex offender and has to register wherever he goes. But he really got off lightly compared to what the evidence against him was. Anyway, this woman is now writing about all of this and there’s documentation, and some of it can be confirmed. A lot of it can be confirmed in the court records, the case file. So everybody knows the woman isn’t lying.

Some people suggest she’s exaggerating and there are some who claim she’s lying, but the bottom line, this happened. Epstein did provide underage women for an endless parade of men, some local, some national, some superstars. He flew them around all over the world. He had a Boeing 727. He’s a donor, a huge donor to education and science, and those people rallied to him in the midst of his court case.

I mean, he’s given gazillions. He has underwritten science experimentation like you can’t believe. He has underwritten education like you can’t believe. So those people came to his rescue when need be. He has flown people — Bill Clinton and Epstein were inseparable at one point. Now, Clinton’s name and the young underage girls have never been linked. This is an association type thing, and there was a point in time during all this when Clinton, when the court case, the legal case against Epstein finally went public, that’s when Clinton had a very public split and went south and said he wants no more to do with Epstein.

But before all that, Epstein was flying Clinton to Africa, donating to Clinton’s charities and they were very close. So people are continuing now to look into this. For those of us who live here, this is old news and it’s kind of surprising how long it’s taken to surface. But the reason it’s surfacing is that one of the underage girls has come forth with details now.

Anyway, here’s the latest story on this. I’ll get to why I put this in the absurd Stack. “A woman alleged to have been the fixer for Jeffrey Epstein, a pedophile and friend of Bill Clinton, has herself long had ties to the former president of the United States. Indeed, it’s clear that even as her associate, Epstein, admitted to procuring sex with someone under the age of 18 and registered as a sex offender in 2008, Ghislaine Maxwell’s relationship with the Clintons flourished.” Even while all this had come to light. And Ghislaine Maxwell was on Epstein’s parole.

Ghislaine Maxwell nobody knows, but if these young women needed a female shoulder to cry on, it was Ghislaine Maxwell. “It will be okay, honey, this is fun.” She knew what was going on and helped facilitate it. That’s the fixer business. But she did not break off with Clinton. She continued to raise money for the Clintons, and for Bill Clinton. The reason all this is, shall we say relevant now, is the political aspirations of Mrs. Clinton. And if any of this that’s surfacing now will continue to surface, it will end up being damaging to Mrs. Clinton.

Now, what did we have? How many jokes can you pack into one party? We have Al Sharpton. If that’s not a joke on a political party, I don’t know what is. I mean this in a noninflammatory way. We have a genuine despicable buffoon of a human being who has destroyed I don’t know how many people with false allegations and false charges. He has perpetrated hoaxes. He has perpetrated riots. He owes millions of dollars to the IRS and gets away with it because he’s a close friend of the president, apparently. And you ask, how does someone like this percolate to the top of the Democrat Party? Well, one of the reasons is he’s a close buddy of Obama’s. And for Obama, Sharpton’s perfect, I mean, serves a perfect purpose for what Obama has in mind.

Okay, that’s one joke. But now look at the Clintons. For crying out loud, look at all of this that we know. In what fantasy, in what land of fantasy can a woman partially responsible for the death of four people in Benghazi and then lying about it, whose husband is a well-known skirt chaser and womanizer and has been caught lying before a federal grand jury, whose husband was so notorious for treating women like they were slaves, that this woman, his wife, had to create the bimbo eruption unit in order to try to destroy those women with whom her husband had had numerous affairs. The wife of this man, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton leads the effort to destroy the reputations and lives of the women her husband had affairs with, destroy them, their character, their reputations, their honesty, in order to preserve his political career. And this woman is said to be a hero?

This woman is said to be the most powerful woman in the Democrat Party? This woman has all kinds of reputation and status. This is the kind of thing, if somebody wrote a novel about this it would be sent back from the publisher: “Sorry, this is such a big fantasy, there’s not one shred of believability in this story. You need to change it.” No publisher would publish this, but it happens to be the reality. And now the woman who helped the pedophile find these underage women for the pedophile’s male friends to have sex with is a best buddy of this woman’s husband, Bill Clinton, and was even at Chelsea’s wedding, after having raised money for the foundation.

“‘Ghislaine Maxwell was another person in EpsteinÂ’s inner circle and a co-conspirator in EpsteinÂ’s sexual abuse. She was someone who consequently also appreciated the immunity granted by the NPA for the crimes she committed in Florida,’ reads a recently released court document related to the scandal.”

“She was someone consequently who also appreciated the immunity granted by the NPA for the crimes she committed.” Look at this den of thieves, and yet throughout this country they’re held up as role models. They are rock stars. They’re heroes. When in truth these people are all reprobates. You wouldn’t let ’em in your church. You wouldn’t want ’em in your church. You wouldn’t want ’em in your neighborhood. And we’re talking here about one of them running for president after all of these long years of being so unfairly denied her rightfully chance to lead this country. The woman is an absolute incompetent.

I once said on this program, and I caught a lot of grief for it, and I’m gonna have to even paraphrase myself, I don’t remember the exact quote, but look at the way Hillary herself has been treated in all this. You can’t say her husband respects her. I mean, it’s just, all of this. Then you throw Al Sharpton, and take any — John Kerry going over to France and talking French, and James Taylor singing “You’ve Got A Friend.” Every day it’s a new joke. It’s a new absurdity. It just never, ever ends.