“The ratings are in for the ‘1/2 Hour News Hour,’ and I think you’d like to hear about this. The show drew one and a half million viewers. For Sunday night at ten o’clock on cable, these are what we in the broadcast business call ‘kick-ass numbers.'”
“600 Hollywood supporters of Obama mean 600 Hollywood deniers of Hillary — and they all probably have FBI files. So as Leonard Nimoy, the star of Star Trek, might say: ‘May these 600 Hollywood deniers of Hillary continue to live long and continue to prosper.'”
“It’s getting vicious out there in the Democrat Party! Howard Wolfson tells Obama, ‘You rein Geffen in.’ Obama responds by saying, ‘Isn’t it ironic the Clintons had no problem with Geffen when he was raising 18 mil. and putting people in the Lincoln Bedroom?’ Oh, my friends, this is delectable!”
“This is just sick: ‘The drawn-out court battle over what to do with Anna Nicole Smith’s body has a new sense of urgency. The starlet’s remains are decomposing more quickly than expected, and the public viewing could be in danger.’ A public viewing? What is she, a candidate for pope or something?”
“Britney Spears has left rehab again after another one-day stint, and this is news! I have a chock-full show here without mentioning any of this stuff! I only did now because at some point even I, America’s Anchorman, must weigh in on the absolute worthlessness and stupidity of it all.”
“It happened at the 60 Minutes 25th-anniversary party in New York; they sat me next to Camille Paglia thinking it was going to lead to fireworks. Steve Kroft and Ed Bradley were circling the table every five minutes, waiting for the fireworks. But Camille Paglia and I are now best buds.”
“You try living without oil! You go out and buy all the Priuses you want and get all the windmills you want on Walter Cronkite’s property on Cape Cod and you try to keep the engine of this democracy fueled!”
“I don’t even call it the ‘Scooter Libby Trial;’ I call it the ‘Viagra-Cialis-Levitra Trial.’ You know all these warnings about if an erection should last longer than four hours, go to the emergency room? This trial is arguably the longest erection in Drive-By Media history, and it’s over something that is purely bogus.”
“So Hillary’s vowed to end ‘US arrogance’ as president. Is it not arrogant to say, ‘I’m going to end US arrogance’? Especially considering she’s a lib; I mean, as a lib, arrogance is in the DNA.”
