“Boy, the president was on fire today at the VFW convention in Kansas City. By the way, for those of you Hollywood liberals out there, ‘VFW’ means ‘Veterans of Foreign Wars.’ You know — soldiers, rapists, murderers, barbarians (in your eyes).”
“‘A 59-year-old woman has been hospitalized after being mauled by two pit bulls who came into her house.’ Maybe they heard about the Mike Vick plea deal and now they’re lashing out.”
“‘No massive bloodbath in Vietnam’? The level of tolerance for bloodbaths exhibited by John Kerry and the Democrat Party is truly amazing. But don’t worry about it, folks, because liberals care for people more than anybody else does.”
“By the way, Disney, where’s the DVD for Path to 9/11? I mean, I got the third season of House on DVD yesterday, and that show didn’t end until May.”
“I once poured some talcum powder down my brother’s mouth one day because I thought it made him look better. It was in the back of the car, and we were on our way down to see grandma. I said, ‘Here, Dave!’ and my mother got mad.”
“‘Inspection and quarantine units in various ChiCom areas have discovered a large number of quality and safety problems with imports of US soybeans.’ What do you bet it’s urine?”
“From CBS: ‘Boss a Jerk? Think About Suing Him.’ I think that this is what John Edwards is going to do when he drops out of the Democrat race next month.”
“So CNN went out and did a report about how it’s the federal government’s job to provide birth control for kids in college! Just don’t use the cell phone for three days and save up the money! Oh, forget that — their parents are probably paying for that.”
“John Kerry never met a communist he didn’t want to defend.”