“Like I said yesterday, the Republican field is sort of like the buffet at Denny’s. Do they have a buffet at Denny’s? They don’t have a buffet as Denny’s. Well, imagine they had a buffet at Denny’s and everything on the menu was in the buffet.”
“As far as I’m concerned, Bush didn’t act soon enough in getting rid of some of these institutionalized Clintonoidsin the Department of Justice. It was all part of the ‘new tone,’ but look what it got him? Zip, zero, diddly-squat.”
“Mr. Snerdley reports that he’s getting a lot of phone calls from people who remember that the president was going to veto the campaign finance bill but didn’t, and the Supreme Court — ha, ha! — authorized it. Excuse me. Don’t know why I laughed at that. It’s not funny.”
“So that’s why you’re fit to be tied and smoking, Snerdley; you got a call from the ex! You should change the number.”
“We’re giving away eight 80-gig iPods engraved with a perfect reproduction of my signature, and the people who will win these will be randomly selected. I don’t even get one, folks.”
“I am like you — I’m getting a little impatient with this. I want my Rush for Peace coffee mug! You know, this Nobel Peace Prize nomination is sort of fading into the ether out there. I have to keep it alive.”
“I think the universe of women that would support the ERA this time around is much less than it was when it first started. Although, I’m sure they still have their radicals and these babes up in the Pacific Northwest — you see them in airports with their two German shepherds making sure you don’t attack them.”
“69% of those 62 and older said they would not vote for Mrs. Bill Clinton. Wonder what they would have against her? I’m sure it’s the ex-wife-reminder factor.”
“More sad news this morning: Tony Snow’s cancer is back. We are sort of melancholy here over all of this today. I’m sure the prayers and thoughts of everybody who’s heard the news have gone out to Tony and his family. He’s beaten this thing once, and he vows to beat it again.”