“I had a day yesterday where everything that could go wrong, did. And I thought, ‘It better get better tomorrow or I’m going to drop the F-bomb and not even know it.'”
“There are these little nerdlings out there who are monitoring their radios in the post-Imus era, and they’re looking for any shred of evidence that could make me the next to get his butt kicked off of major American airwaves.”
“The real reason that Rosie O’Donnell is leaving The View is because she did not like the flavor of the dog biscuits they put on the floor in her dressing room.”
“We ought to go and do a space movie where people are colonizing this new planet, but Big Oil gets there first. Ha, ha!”
“I don’t have to do what the common people do. I, being a powerful, influential member of the media can hide in the closet. Wait until the Media Matters crowd gets a hold of that!”
“I offered to underwrite the rest of Sheryl Crow and Laurie David’s tour last week, but somehow the tour is over. So my effort to be compassionate and generous has failed.”
“I know Barbara Walters; I’ve been to a couple of her parties.”
“Too many people are defining progress by defining how the Drive-By Media might be coming around. Well, that’s not going to happen.”
“You people at Media Matters — you’re going to have to learn not to be baited when I’m baiting you.”