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“I don’t have a college degree and look at me — I’m one of the most brilliant people in the country.”
“A group of researchers from Simon Fraser University say that terrorist attacks around the world have, in fact, decreased by 40% since 2001. Snerdley, what year did the war on terror begin?”
“Plastic knives and forks? At a barbecue at home? I can understand if you’re going to a neighborhood picnic in a park or something — then you take that stuff — but come on!”
“I see McCain is having a big barbecue this weekend at his ranch in Sedona to get to know some potential vice presidential running mates. And I see he’s crossing the aisle to talk to a couple of them, like Mitt Romney and Bobby Jindal.”
“Life is to be enjoyed; you only get one of them. And we try to get the most out of it regardless the price of oiland the price of corn.”
“The Democrat Party is not known for male chauvinist pigs. The Democrat Party is known for male wimps who cower in fear at the sight of any feminist.”
“I’m having more fun than a human being should be allowed to have as an unpaid Hillary Clinton campaign consultant. (Unpaid so they will not have to disclose me on their reporting forms.)”
“By the way, I agree with that lady: The cameraman ought to stop showing us Hillary’s backside.”
“Barack Obama’s policy ideas are straight out of every Northeastern Ivy League liberal classroom and every liberal professor who’s ever tried to inculcate a young mind. I don’t think there’s an original thought there.”
“In Robert Byrd’s case, if the sheet fits, you wear it.”