“John McCain, the leading Republican in the primary field right now, is attacking economics on the basis of class envy. That’s the kind of stuff that just rubs me raw, folks.”
“I saw Joy Behar last night and my strategery was: make the preemptive strike. So I walked over and gave her a huge hug and a little peck on the cheek. It became the talk of the night! You kill them with kindness.”
“Schwarzenegger just started talking about how we have to reduce carbon emissions to 1990 levels. Ain’t possible! We all exhale! And there are more of us. But beyond that, it isn’t possible.”
“Hillary Clinton says she can ‘control’ her husband. How many of you believe that? Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Kathleen Willey, Monica Lewinsky… what kind of control is that?”
“No one should have to choose between dog food and medicine. And nobody should have to choose between a flat screen, high-definition TV and unemployment on Super Bowl weekend.”
“Nobody — nobody — gives me respect! Now I’m getting e-mail from people saying: ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about! 720p is much better for sports than 1080i.’ My eyes don’t lie, folks.”
“Senator McCain says that if we waterboard these clowns — these terrorists — we’re no better than our enemy. What do the troops think of that? Just throwing some questions out there, not trying to stir the pot. That happens naturally.”
“Lindsey Graham is certainly close enough to John McCain to die of anal poisoning.”