“A lot of people get paid, but don’t earn it. Well, there’s a lot of slackers out there, Mr. Snerdley. You know what I’m talking about.”
“You know, it’s not kosher to show people the bedroom when you show people your house. Who knows? If you don’t have staff and it’s not cleaned up, who knows what’s on display in there?”
“This woman said: ‘I think your Select Comfort bed is a gimmick.’ I said: ‘Okay, lay down on it.’ Then I give her the remote control and said: ‘Play with this.’ She became a convert right on the spot.”
“I have to make an observation. This is the third call today. The first two callers both used the word ‘suck’ and you just used the word ‘rape’. There’s something out there today.”
“I must admit that since we last did the Uncivil War in the Democrat Party update, I’ve been obsessing over this song: When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again, from the soundtrack to Dr. Strangelove.”
“If you’re Ted Kennedy and you call Bill Clinton to say, ‘Look, you have to dial this down, this is not dignified’, Clinton could come back and say, ‘Hey, at least Monica is still alive.'”
“How did a woman connected by chromosome to more than half the electorate, who doesn’t have an experienced rival, go from inevitable to down and dirty, to the testicle lockbox, to her red-faced husband showing that even he, too, gets PMS?”
“The new Rambo is the perfect portrayal what would happen if you let MoveOn.org and the Democrat Underground run US foreign policy in the war on terror.”
“Bill’s sucking up the oxygen, he’s the campaigner, he’s the one the Democrats love; Mrs. Clinton can’t handle it by herself. And what does it say to you feminazis out there?”