“By the way, we’re going to start a new game on this program. It’s called, ‘Guess the Religion.’ Story out of France: ‘There were riots on a French subway yesterday by youths.’ What youths? Who besides militant Muslims is rioting in France?”
“I’m going to tell you something, folks: If you go through life governing yourself on the basis of what you think others think of you, you are a failure and you will amount to nothing but a hill of beans. And who wants a hill of beans?”
“I got an e-mail yesterday from one of the producers at Larry King Alive asking me if I wanted to come on and I said, ‘Sorry, I can’t. I’m going to be watching ‘House’ tonight.’ They e-mail back: ‘I don’t blame you.'”
“There is a great rule of thumb, here: If you’re watching one of these Drive-By shows and you hear comments about any Republican or conservative, your best bet is to doubt everything you see and find out on your own.”
“Paul, you area microcosm of today’s liberal Democrat. When I actually stop to think that there are Americans like you, I get depressed.”
“There’s an untold side-story in the Tony Snow news: Tony gave up a great, high-paying job to do work for the country he loves. It makes him not only a nice guy and the object of our prayers, but in one sense, a true hero. Tony Snow represents the kind of goodness that makes America, America.”
“So some Canadian woman tried to coax her dog that wasn’t eating to eat by eating some of the pet food herself? It does lead to an interesting question: how did she house train the dog?”
“A lot of Democrats blamed the Swift Boat group for sinking the presidential campaign hopes of John Kerry (who served in Vietnam). Of course, Kerry’s pathetic, dry-ball, dull personality and absolute abhorrent politics had nothing to do with him losing the election, oh no.”
“I’m glad you called. You sound like a babe, by the way. I have to say this. Once a babe, always a babe — unless you get elected to the Senate. Something happens then.”