“A trillion — that’s a thousand billion, isn’t it? No? It’s not? Darn it! My mind does not function when I have a stupid cold.”
“Kim Jong Il may be enough of a pervert that if he got enough cognac in the deal and enough pornographic tapes — plus enough food to keep his population from rioting for a while longer — he might keep quiet. And whatever hair piece stuff he wears. What do you call that? A bouffant?”
“If we’re going to take a candidate that we like and say, ‘This guy is the best we can do, conservative-wise,’ then we’re never going to advance conservatism.”
“The latest taped segment from Al-Qaeda is an unusually personal attack on President Bush in which Ayman al-Zawahiri denounces him as an alcoholic, a liar, and a gambler with an addictive personality. When I saw that I said, ‘This has got to be a DNC fax.'”
“In gay marriage you’re either going to have to go adopt kids or have David Crosby come in and fertilize one of the wombs.”
“Barack Obama said Sunday that ‘name recognition’ would be his toughest challenge in the 2008 presidential campaign. Really? Name recognition? Who in the world is not going to remember ‘Barack Hussein Obama’?”
“The North Koreans have reneged on every deal, so why make a deal with them now? What is it that never seems to change about the West when in arguing and negotiating with communists? Why is it that we never understand that they lie?”
“This nonbinding resolution in the House — who cares? Frankly, I think it’s irrelevant. We’re going to have the surge, and we’re going to kick ass.”
“It seems like half the male population of California is claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s child. I ought to put myself on the list! I mean, the only difference between me and those guys would be I don’t need the money.”