“This headline says, ‘Gore to Kick Off Tribeca Film Fest With Green Shorts.’ I thought he was going to wear green shorts, but they’re talking about short subject movies. I’m looking here through the whole story: ‘Where’s the paragraph about Gore wearing green shorts?'”
“I just saw Mr. Snerdley screaming in there, and I said, ‘I don’t know how many times I’ve told you not to scream at these people that we invite to call!’ He said, ‘I’m going to suspend myself so that you don’t have to.'”
“Pelosi said, ‘We came in friendship, we came in hope, and we came determined that the road to Damascus is the road to peace.’ That’s the kind of thing you’d get from a Miss America contestant or a National Honor Society candidate.”
“Jenny, are you nervous? Don’t be nervous. I want to assure you that when this is all over you’re going to have felt like a mink glove has been massaging your back.”
“If you hang around and wait for a president or any politician to do anything for you, you’re going to be waiting until they bury you. It’s up to you.”
“Many of the American people are a bunch of sponges, but, you know, keep an eye out if on the next hunting trip Cheney invites Pelosi to go.”
“I can’t tell you the last time I sat down and said, ‘Gee, I wish I had my hearing.’ Sometimes I wish I could hear some music, but other than that it happens so infrequently I don’t even think about it. It’s just what it is. I’m fortunate.”
“The Drudge Report has a still shot of San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom; it looks likes he’s simulating oral sex with a microphone, and there’s a picture of Pelosi eating something right below him. So the San Francisco oral fixation is on display. How soon before Bashar Assad is invited to share in the delights?”
“You never know what’s on somebody’s butt these days until they moon you.”