“I thought this was the most important issue of our lifetime — global warming — so where are the big names for this concert? Where is Bruce Springsteen? Where is Joan Baez, well known communist sympathizer? Where’s Annie Lennox? I mean, Annie Lennox will sign up for anything!”
“There is this young rock group — let’s see, what’s the name of this bunch? The Arctic Monkeys. You know, when I saw this headline — ‘Arctic Monkeys Shiver at Live Earth Hypocrisy’ — I was picturing monkeys in the arctic, shivering.”
“Duran Duran? Their career bombed out when they sang View to a Kill, the theme song to that James Bond movie.”
“There is one thing about the Algore III story that puzzles me: How in the world do you get a Toyota Prius to go a hundred miles an hour without a cliff to go over?”
“I didn’t think this Antarctica venue for the Live Earth concert was going to happen, but I just saw Algore say that they’re going to do it. But who are they playing for, the penguins? No, polar bears are at the North Pole, Snerdley. Clearly you didn’t watch Planet Earth.”
“I kind of recoil at the ‘peace movement.’ In the wrong mouths, peace means the exact opposite — peace means tyranny.”
“The iPhone deserves the hype. I tried to talk a couple BlackBerry users out of theirs, but failed in one case because it was a woman I was talking to.”
“This is the stylist on Edwards: ‘He has nice hair, and I try to make the man handsome, strong, more mature.’ Sure, you might be doing a great gig on his hair, but strong, more mature? I’m not trying to be mean, but the guy sends his wife out to do the dirty work on television shows.”
“No, no — I’m ‘the man who runs America.’ We don’t use the word ‘czar’ here. Besides, the ‘czar’ is Bill Bennett. He owns that title.”