“I told Snerdley, ‘No more seminar callers.’ I used to have fun with them, but I’m not going to give them the added opportunity to take me out of context. Screw them. They’re idiots anyway, and they get boring to listen to unless I, as a brilliant host, can make the whole experience fun.”
“I am, for all of America, tying up Henry Waxman. Instead of him poking his nose into your business, he’s poking his nose into mine. And that, my friends, is true service — not just to you, but to the country at large.”
“I might not win the Nobel Prize, but they can never take this nomination away from me. And after the last ten days, folks, I should be the recipient of the Medal of Congressional Distraction.”
“Ala Senakreh, West Bank chief of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades terrorist group, said, ‘I hope Hillary is elected in order to have the occasion to carry out all the promises she is giving regarding Iraq.’ Well, now, there’s a bumper sticker for the Republicans!”
“‘A lousy marriage might literally make you sick. Marital strife and other bad personal relationships raise your risk for heart disease, researchers reported Monday.’ Well, isn’t this just peachy keen.”
“She’s going to be the nominee, and it’s going to be up to the Republican nominee to be honest with the American people about what a presidency with Hillary Clinton would mean. It’s not that hard, but it may take some guts to do.”
“Folks, I don’t know about you, but in my opinion, it’s impossible not to experience stress. I’ll bet even the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, who has reached cosmic consciousness through transcendental meditation, suffers stress.”
“Here’s the problem: if I actually got into the race for the Republican nomination, I would win — and the five months would turn into eight years because I would win the presidency as well. But you have to have a fire in your belly to do that, and I love doing what I’m doing now.”
“Humanity is honesty, and I can’t be dishonest by denying that I’m right most of the time.”
