“I have nothing against vegetarians. See, this is my point. I don’t care what you eat. Just stay outta my life. Don’t tell me I have to eat it.”
“Dingy Harry Reid is going to go to the floor of the Senate at 2:15 and ask for a moment of silence on the 3500 soldier deaths in Afghanistan and Iraq. This is to dig President Bush’s trip to Capitol Hill today.”
“I still haven’t seen the Sopranos!”
“Do you realize that without exception, if you wait long enough, everything a liberal tells you will be wrong?”
“Turn off the television and just listen to me, and you will not get ‘campaign fatigue.'”
“Kim Gandy of the NAGs, the National Association of Gals, is blaming me for spousal abuse. I don’t know how it’s possible she blames me for spousal abuse, predatory male behavior, and she says what really worries her is that there are a lot of progressives out there that she knows — i.e., liberals — who, if you listen to them speak, why, you might think you’re listening to me. I think it’s a totally deranged piece.”
“Ought this 1992 video of Algore calling for hostilities against Saddam not disqualify him from the Nobel Peace Prize? Algore, as you know, is my number one competitor. I, too, have been nominated for the prestigious Nobel Peace Prize. I have done more for liberty and freedom and free markets and entrepreneurship and all this than Algore has in his whole life, and he’s been nominated because of this global warming hoax, plus he’s running around ripping George Bush all to shreds.”
“Every time I see a Prius, I know it’s liberals in it. There’s a bunch of them down here where I live. I feel like getting up real close and giving them an enema — you know, just tailgating ’em — but I don’t.”
“Even moderates are upset about this amnesty bill, and they don’t get upset about anything, because they don’t have opinions on anything, but you have Democrats upset; some liberals are upset; obviously Republicans and conservatives all across the board — and the government, their senators, their congressmen, are saying things at them they know are not true.”