“The fact that 35% of this country’s Democrats think that there was a government conspiracy on 9/11that allowed these attacks to happen… it’s no longer funny to call them kooks and freaks and so forth. They are deranged.”
“Most people live their lives in a conservative fashion. Some of them may not vote that way, but it’s how people live their lives. I mean, you don’t get your paycheck and walk through the neighborhood to give it away, but you elect people to do it for you.”
“Seriously, folks: How does Time Magazine do a 100 Most Influential People of the Year issue and not put me on the list? I mean, for crying out loud — I make so much news for the Drive-By Media!”
“Snerdley is upset because they’re trying to blame me now for Obama getting Secret Service protection. If I were Obama, I would look to Clinton, Inc. before I looked to me! Try that, Drive-By Media!”
“Fred Thompson is being labeled a racist now because he played such a role 19 years ago. I guess we’ll have to start looking at Anthony Hopkins as a cannibal and Barbra Streisand as a needy whiner with identity issues — well, that may be true for her.”
“The people in my audience — if any of them ever decide to vote for Barack Obama, it’s going to be because they like his ideas. This audience is not sitting around looking at people on the basis of skin color. It’s the left that’s doing that.”
“France was the cradle of socialism, so now where do these actors threaten to go when they lose an election? They always threaten to go to France; maybe it’s time to go to Syria.”
“The real reason the Drive-Bys are after me is because I am parodying them. I am exposing their racism.They’re the ones calling Barack Obama the ‘Magic Negro,’ not me.”
“I’m not going to sit here and take it any longer from a bunch of morons who don’t listen to this show and who have only one purpose: to take out the next Imus. They’re going to have to look somewhere else because it isn’t going to be me.”
