“Any of you practical jokers out there… Something I’d love to see: Just get some of that yellow crime tape and drape it around the Clinton campaign headquarters. We know what goes on in there; just make it a crime scene and be done with it.”
“Usama Bin Laden says in another tape he’s going to invade Pakistan and declare war on Musharraf — which, ladies and gentlemen, puts him on the same page with a Democrat presidential candidate: Barack Ubama.”
“I’m a thoroughbred, full-fledged conservative here, and I know in national elections it wins. So I get very frustrated when people on our side are afraid to proclaim it proudly, and loudly, and with confidence.”
“Did you see that story about how many French people do not brush their teeth? It is amazing French kissing was ever invented.”
“My North Carolina mistress just sent me an obscene e-mail. What a way to start a busy broadcast hour! It was two words — and, no, they were not ‘Happy Birthday.'”
“Liberalism has no meaning beyond itself. Everything’s about them. They do not have any sense that there’s something bigger than they are — that’s why they’re hostile to God, because that gives people meaning.”
“Who was it the other day who said Hillary was not a ‘cold fish’? Oh yes: it was Madeleine Albright. Which means, ladies and gentlemen, that Madeleine Albright knows Hillary Clinton’s temperature.”
“This jet’s carbon footprint is smaller than my house! ‘That’s right, Mr. Limbaugh! You should be forced to sell your house and move!’ Yeah, well, you try that, you little new castrati, and see what happens to the rest of the manhood you have left!”
“I thank God every day I’m single.”