“This program makes more sense in five seconds than anything else people could possibly listen to. You know what you’ll hear on NPR in five seconds? ‘Hm-hm. Hm-hm. Hm-hm. Hm-hm.'”
“There’s a guy in Germany by the name of Henryk Broder, and he has written a book: ‘Hurray! We’re capitulating!’ You know, when the Germans start calling us a bunch of wimps and wusses, that tells me things have gotten pretty bad.”
“How many of our troops died in Iraq last year? If your answer to the question was more than 1,000, you have been manipulated. If you answered more than 4,000, you probably subscribe to the New York Times and have gone beyond being brainwashed.”
“Global warming ‘a greater threat’ than weapons of mass destruction and nuclear weapons? Something as ridiculously stupid, arrogant, and elitist as that ought to disqualify anything else Hanx Blix says about anything. I mean, even you people in Rio Linda can understand this one.”
“I hear libs say, ‘It’s not just American troop deaths — look at all the Iraqis that are dying.’ You don’t care about the Iraqis! You were fine and hunky-dory with them dying as long as Saddam Hussein was killing them! You didn’t want to lift a finger about that!”
“All this hysteria over whether Barack Obama went to a Muslim school or not when he was a young tyke… He’s saying no, he’s a devout Christian. But if Islam is a religion of peace, why be so defensive about being a Muslim?”
“By the way, Vince Flynn’s a hunk. He’s one of these sculpted, Steve Canyon kind of military guys. But I’ll tell Vince that you don’t care about him being a hunk, and that it’s his words that matter to you. He will appreciate that.”
“I was just watching Dingy Harry Reid here, and he was whining and moaning about $350 billion in tax cuts for the minimum wage bill. He said, ‘This two dollars an hour increase in minimum wage — this is important! People could use that money to go buy health care!’ I about made a mess in my pants.”
“My life is fulfilling. I’m not wallowing in misery thinking that everybody else thinks I’m a dork, because I know I’m a dork.”