“By the way, what was John Edwards’s draft number? And where the hell did he serve? And show me where he’s been such a big supporter of victory on behalf of the US military? You can’t, Mrs. Edwards! He’s part of the cabal trying to secure defeat.”
“Bruce Springsteen, you’re a miniature target in this ‘patriotism’ fight, pal. Until the floor of the Senate is turned over to the subject of your lack of patriotism, grow up and deal with it like a man!”
“To Rosalinda out there in Seymour, Indiana: Since you named your dog ‘Mr. Limbaugh’, please do me and yourself a favor. When you call the vet, please do not say, ‘Hi, I need to bring Mr. Limbaugh in to be wormed.'”
“The moment I opened my eyes this morning, Punkin was looking right at me — her head on the pillow, her eyes wide open. She’s never done that before. My heart melted. I wish somebody had been there to take a picture.”
“Other than for entertainment, I do not waste my time with liberal blogs — that’s what the staff is for. I tell them, ‘You look at the insane websites out there.’ And they get duty pay for this, hazard duty.”
“Have you ever wondered why liberals care more about recycling cans than they do about defeating terrorist enemies? You can go nuts trying to answer the question!”
“Even while on vacation, my staff sends stuff in, because everybody loves the program and is just devoted to it. And that’s largely because of me, as boss. Everybody wants to be part of a winner.”
“So you liberals want to make me your No. 1 target? Go ahead. I have body armor; I’m wearing it right now. None of your attacks are going to contain anything legitimate, and, as such, they’re just going to bounce right back into your mouth and you’re going to end up choking on it.”
“Think about it: Soybean burgers — how in the world do the soybeans ‘bleed’? Come on! You’re a soy expert, Snerdley!”