“Michelle Obama says that her husband does stink in the mornings. Did you see this? The kids can’t come over and get in bed with him because he stinks! So Joe Biden was wrong about him being clean. He’s still articulate, of course.”
“Did you know that the Breck Girl — John Edwards — has never been to Iraq? I know why — can you imagine the effect of the climate over there on his hair? He’ll send his wife before he goes!”
“By the way, you know that recent thwarted Islamofascist plot to blow up our air bases in Germany? You know how we thwarted it? The spy program — intercepted phone calls. Gasp!”
“It seems you can have all kinds of deranged, insane, lunatic liberal political commentators on NBC’s Sunday night pre-game NFL show. My, how things change! The pioneers take the arrows, folks.”
“Anybody who bought one of the early iPhones is going to get a $100 credit at the Apple store. So now I have $4,000 in credits coming from the Apple store! I think I’m going to buy some more iPhones.”
“What do you bet that train Norman Hsu was on was headed to the Minneapolis airport?”
“John Kerry, who served in Vietnam, said that the new report on Iraqi security forces shows that the Bush administration’s Iraq policy is failing. I just love it, ladies and gentlemen, when losers declare us losers.”
“What happened in Philadelphia in 1776 was a miracle. Divine inspiration had to have been there. The principles may be bigger than the men who wrote them down, but they did write them.”
“The details of the Bin Laden tape have been released. Now, this is a hoot; folks, it is a liberal rant! He blames the US for global warming!”
