“You know, folks, I think it’s time for a new name for Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama. Until the way he’s being treated by the Drive-Bys changes, I’m going to start calling him ‘Barack O’McNabb.'”
“‘80% of voters believe that Hillary has the experience it takes to become president’? That’s stunning. 80% of the voters in this country are thus idiots.”
“Can somebody tell me the last time anybody got killed with a blank? When was the last — ooh, look at that pelican! That’s my favorite bird.”
“We’re going to send David Shuster some EIB golf shirts. Brian, put together a pack down there — make sure you get the ones with my signature on the left sleeve. Send them over so he, too, can see how it feels to wear a snob golf shirt.”
“I guess you’ve heard that Jenna Bush is getting married; we all love it when young people get that first start towards ruining their lives. I’m just kidding. Yes, I am. I’m just kidding.”
“I think I’m right on this. I usually am right when I think I’m right because I’m usually right even when I think I’m wrong.”
“Folks, you need to have an age-old attitude about this global warming stuff: ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you must be a scientist.'”
“Mary’s on hold — she’s giving Mr. Snerdley her address so that we can send her a replacement ‘Rush Babe on Board’ sign. By the way, Snerdley, do not ask for her phone number. Do not. He has that habit.”
“You’re never alone as long as you have EIB.”