“Tim, you need to speak to your dad in ways that he can relate to and understand. You tell him that the people that made the SUV made it to help other people. Tell him not to abort the SUV –the SUV deserves to have a parent.”
“My question is: How does this happen in a happy and loving gay marriage? Why would Jane hit Mary with a baseball bat? And if Jane’s going to hit Mary with a baseball bat, why go for the legs?”
“The new British prime minister is a man that’s obviously governing his country from a standpoint of fear. When you say, ‘We can’t identify these people as Muslims even though they’re shouting Allah Akbar when they blow themselves up,’ you know you’re with somebody who’s scared to death.”
“I went back to Snerdley’s office during the break, and one of his TVs had the Teletubbies on. I said, ‘What in the world are you doing watching the Teletubbies?’ He said, ‘That’s C-SPAN.'”
“This woman showed up on C-SPAN with a big T-shirt that said, ‘Well behaved women rarely make history.’ Ha! Where are those women? I want to meet them!”
“Look at that — there’s some dummkopf reporter on MSNBC in Las Vegas holding up one of those giant clock thermometers, pointing out how hot it is. It’s always hot this time of year, idiot! Sorry for being distracted.”
“So you’re calling here wanting to know why we don’t just buy Mexico? The bigger problem is that Mexico is going to end up buying California for nothing. In fact, we’re going to pay them to.”
“Super Bowl 1987. San Diego. Redskins and the Denver Broncos. I went to a Frank Sinatra concert the night before. I remember Sinatra went on and on and on: ‘I want to live forever.’ And why wouldn’t he? The guy was chairman of the board!”
“I just got an e-mail: ‘Rush, have you played with your iPhone?’ Of course, I have! It’s a great little toy. Well, it’s more than a toy — it’s a great little thing.”