“So it’s the big iPhone unveiling today… I’m a technogeek and I love having the latest stuff, but I don’t use the phone. The problem with having a phone around is that people will call you.”
“We have to talk about what’s going on in London. Of course, they’re saying ‘international elements’ are involved. That’s right, ‘international elements.’ We can’t bring ourselves to say what’s on everybody’s mind: this is the ‘religion of peace.'”
“Some people say we’ve probably gotten all the intelligence we could wring out of these guys at Club Gitmo, so why are we holding them? Because the war on terror goes on whether you want to admit it or not.”
“Joe Biden was at the debate last night telling blacks in the audience, ‘It is not unmanly to wear a condom.’ Can you imagine presidential candidates in the past talking about this? The standards are just sinking lower and lower.”
“I know why my cat lives with me — because she cannot open a can or a sack.”
“The thing that always amazes me is that — for however many number of years — the black community has been voting 90% for the Democrat presidential candidate, and yet every four years the Democrat presidential candidate talks about how rotten life is for the black community.”
“Here I am, the man ‘running America’ and an ‘untamed piece of the GOP message machine,’ airing for millions of Americans what the democrats said last night at their All-American Presidential Forum on PBS. Take that, those of you who are on the prowl for the Fairness Doctrine!”
“I appreciate that, and you are bringing tears to Mr. Snerdley’s eyes now. He’s a softy. He wells up in there.”
“There’s so much that happens on this program that is inspirational, upbeat, optimistic, and in good cheer, so it’s sort of fascinating to me that I can remain such a mystery to so many people after 19 years.”