“I had on my computer screen a DVD of the upcoming opening sketch for Sunday night’s 1/2 Hour News Hour, and I checked the e-mail during the break: ‘Rush, are you sitting there with pictures of naked women on your computer?’ No, they’re not naked — they’re scantily clad.”
“I think we need to come up with a new name for hurricane season. Hurricane season doesn’t cut it. I think we need to call it Terrorcane Season or Horrorcane Season, because that’s how it’s being marketed.”
“More and more men are not learning the fix-it-up stuff because women have been taking it over because it needs to get done. Of course, it makes them feel empowered that they can do it, too: ‘Look, I can find a garden hose and I know where to point it!'”
“This story says that the company ‘Pure Romance in Loveland, Ohio’ sells ‘spa products and sex toys at home parties attended by women. It also has 15,000 consultants.’ You know, I think we’ve gotten samples from this bunch over the years.”
“I just asked the staff: ‘I wonder how many people even know what bombastic means?’ Here’s the dictionary definition of bombastic: ‘Rush Limbaugh.'”
“I could imagine how these phone calls go: ‘Hi! I’m from the RNC. I just want to confirm your donation from last year. Can we put you down for $75?’ ‘No, you can’t put me down for anything.’ ‘Why not?’ ‘Because of the immigration bill!'”
“Sometimes this stuff wears me out: ‘Rush! You’re wrong, you’re wrong! Cabo Wabo is not Van Halen’s bar, it’s Sammy Hagar’s!’ All right, fine! It’s Sammy Hagar’s place!”
“Newsflash: ‘General Motors bounced back from a weak April showing, reporting solid gains in US vehicle sales for May.’ Well, what did General Motors do in May that they weren’t doing in April and March and February? That’s right, Mr. Snerdley: they advertised on the EIB Network.”
“Wow. I don’t know what to say. That is so sweet. I wish my mother were alive to hear you say that. She was always so excited when anybody loved her little boy.”
