“Well, goody, goody. Yeah, we’re going to run the foreign policy of the US on ‘hope.’ You are totally delusional, Madame Speaker. Do you think Bashir Assad has the slightest idea of dealing with you as the leader of this country? You are a pawn, and he recognizes it!”
“Does anybody think that 15 United States Marines would just sit there, allow themselves to be taken when they had not invaded Iranian waters, and in two days start apologizing on Iranian TV? No way. Semper fi. No way.”
“Anything you can do to make yourself feel better — such as buying one of those cockamamie light bulbs — you’ll do it. Everybody wants to feel good, everybody wants to matter, everybody wants to make a difference. Well, just remember: Hitler made a difference, too.”
“You would be surprised at the number of Americans whose only source of news is the nightly newscasts. Now, they’re primarily elderly; you can see that by looking at the commercials. I don’t mean forthis to sound funny (even though it is), but the commercials are for burial plots and Preparation H.”
“This segment is going to be short, and I apologize for that, folks. It’s not good to have such short segments, but in the midst of brilliant monologues, there’s no reason to cut them short.”
“I talked to my mother every day when I moved to New York. After a while, I said, ‘You know, Mom, I guess it was a pretty good day: half the country hates my guts again.’ She would laugh: ‘No, they don’t!’ And I said, ‘Well, maybe not half, but a decent number of them do.'”
“I don’t want to have conservatism redefined so that it fits the mold of a particular candidate who is not conservative. Conservatism is the key here, and somebody who could articulate it with vigor would own the country.”
“You people watching here on the Dittocam at RushLimbaugh.com may have seen this. I put a little polar bear doll in my microphone boom. It’s my effort to campaign for the Nobel Peace Prize, to indicate that I have compassion and understanding for the plight of the polar bears.”
“The Iraq war is in its fourth year. Cite for me, from your memory, times where there was positive news out of Iraq or a story about the heroism and valor of United States troops.”