“We are the most prosperous, affluent country on the face of the earth, and if Paris Hilton wants to get drunk every night in South Beach or Hollywood, she can. We have plenty of people her age that volunteer to defend the country.”
“This country faces as big a threat from you liberals as it does from Al-Qaeda. You may not use bombs as frequently as Al-Qaeda would like to, but you are doing your best to destroy the one thing that everybody ought to be unified on: the defense and protection of this country.”
“What really insulted me was when that guy insulted my ‘fat ass.’ My ass is gorgeous like every square inch of my glorious naked body. I wouldn’t want to see his skinny little rail ass. Probably gets boils on his butt sitting on a soft chair.”
“Why in the world would anybody think that certain Muslims, using their professed beliefs of Islam, have it in for us? Why would we possibly think this? Well, maybe because they have been trying to kill us for the last 20 years.”
“It would have been irresponsible to not take action based on what every intelligence service in the world said about Saddam and what we knew about his previous use of chemical weapons on his own people. It’s a different day after 9/11 — sad to say some people can’t come to grips with this.”
“That cackling that you heard in there? That’s Hillary laughing. Her laugh sounds exactly like this rare species in Arkansas that’s called the Arkansas broadbeam. Whenever she speaks, that species just seems to be around.”
“Hillary said, ‘I’m probably the most famous person in the world that nobody really knows.’ I was getting ready for my guests to arrive when I saw that last night. I was testing the wine and I choked on it and spit it out.”
“Bill Clinton’s depressed about Hillary running. If he wants back on Air Force One to fly all over the place as a roving ambassador to this or that intern, then he’s going to have to keep his zipper up all the way through 2008. But man — keep his zipper up? For almost two years? That’s a challenge.”
“Am I here today, or am I still asleep and dreaming? Hang on a minute; I’m going to take a drink of Fruit2O here because if I taste it, I’ll know I’m awake. Okay, I’m awake. Ooh, baby.”
