Backstory on Spitzer & the Ditzer

RUSH: This is Zack in Indianapolis. You are next on the EIB Network. Hi.

CALLER: Beautiful, sir. Hey, do you remember when you were a kid riding your bike and all of a sudden you came upon a dead animal that’s been baking in the streets —

RUSH: Yeah, that happened all the time to me, driving around town, you see possums, opossums, yeah.

CALLER: Right.

RUSH: Roadkill. You see it all the time, yeah.

CALLER: That’s correct, sir. Remember the smell, remember the stench?

RUSH: Well, didn’t notice the stench. I kept moving.

CALLER: Okay, great.

RUSH: I was on the bicycle. I kept moving. Skunk, yeah, couldn’t escape it, but other than that —

CALLER: Well, regardless, all right, I just heard my first Eliot Spitzer show advertisement during your program and believe me when I heard it, the feeling I had reminded me of the smell of that dead animal —

RUSH: Why?

CALLER: — baking in the sun when I was a kid on my bike.

RUSH: Wait a minute, now. You say that you had that reaction to an Eliot Spitzer commercial on this program for their show?

CALLER: That’s correct, sir. And, believe me, I understand that you’re a money guy, and I understand the angle and you’re a businessman, but I’d rather you advertise for Pinocchio or Rudolph for the congresswoman just for free.

RUSH: Well, you’re looking at this the wrong way.

CALLER: (laughing)

RUSH: I don’t have time, I’ve gotta come to a break here, but I want you to keep your radio on because I’m gonna explain to you what this is all about after the break, because we don’t do anything haphazardly here or accidentally. There are no coincidences here. And there’s a reason that this is happening. You are, I have to say, the first guy who’s ever referred to a sponsor on this program as ‘roadkill.’

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: Okay. Here’s the backstory, ladies and gentlemen, on Spitzer and the Ditzer, a new show on CNN. I call it Spitzer and the Ditzer. They ought to change the name. What is it, Parker Spitzer? Change the name. When something is this bad, change the name. This is the same problem that Don Draper’s agency is having in the series Mad Men. They have clients leaving them in droves. So you gotta change the name of the agency. It’s a sad thing. This show is turning in, I think — what did I read? — the worst ratings in this time slot in years on CNN in the eight p.m. hour. They’re having trouble getting guests because their ratings are so low because there are other CNN shows to go on. But also they are impacting negatively Larry King Alive. They’re the lead-in for Larry King Alive, and his 25-54 numbers were lower than they’ve been in eons.

Last night Hamid Karzai of Afghanistan was interviewed for the full hour, and his ratings were down, too. So they’re running commercials on this program for the Parker Spitzer program. The first thing I would suggest is they change the name of the show to ‘Spitzer and the Ditzer.’ Now, the first week this program was on, I don’t think a show went by where my name wasn’t mentioned. Now, clearly they were hoping that I would play sound bites of people on that show, mentioned my name and comment on it, therefore calling attention to the program. Well, I am wise to this game. I’m well aware how I am used by people to draw a crowd to their enterprise. So I didn’t mention the show, nor did I play any sound bites.

So late last week I got a phone call from my vice president of sales saying that they have a request from CNN to buy some spots this week for their Parker Spitzer show and do I want to accept or not the money.

I said, ‘Do they want me to do the commercial?’

‘No, no, no. They’re gonna produce the commercial. Do you care if we broadcast it?’

I said, ‘No, we’ll take their money. I totally understand they want an audience, and they want to advertise the existence of their show to another large audience. I totally understand them coming here to do it.’

So we happily, gladly accepted CNN’s advertising money for Parker Spitzer. Honest to God, I did not know this guy on the phone was gonna call it ‘roadkill.’ I’m embarrassed. This is the first time a sponsor of this program has been referred to as ‘roadkill.’ I feel horrible. I feel like I ought to give a couple bonus commercials. (interruption) Well, no, it’s too late to hit the delay button. I mean, the guy said it. (laughing) No, no, no, no. In fact, do you have the Parker Spitzer commercial? Can you grab it? Do you have it handy? Get it. We owe ’em a couple of bonus plays. I mean, the guy called here and referred to the commercial as ‘roadkill.’ That… (interruption) Okay, he said, ‘It reminds me of the stench of roadkill.’ What’s the difference, Snerdley, roadkill or the stench of roadkill? I never had that said about any of our advertisers. So we owe them a couple of bonus plays. Here. This is a commercial for Parker Spitzer.

ANNOUNCER (whispering): Parker Spitzer, the new eight o’clock on CNN. Eliot Spitzer…

SPITZER: I believe in markets. I believe the government should only do what it really has to do.

ANNOUNCER: Kathleen Parker…

PARKER: I think I bring a more common-sense perspective.

ANNOUNCER: They’re the new eight o’clock on CNN. She’s a fearless, Pulitzer Prize-wining journalist.

SPITZER: She’s a conservative! Sometimes we’ll agree, sometimes we’ll disagree.

ANNOUNCER: He’s a crusading former attorney general and governor.

PARKER: He’s a politician; I’m a journalist. We don’t ever completely trust each other, which I think is good.

ANNOUNCER: They never settle for one side of the story. Parker Spitzer, the new eight o’clock on CNN. Weeknights, eight eastern.

Did she just say, ‘He’s a politician; I’m a journalist. We don’t ever completely trust each other’? Did she say that? Are they married? What does that have to do with whether or not…? It’s not for me to ask. Well… I don’t know. I learned some things there about Eliot Spitzer I didn’t know. I mean, the stuff I know about Eliot Spitzer is not in that commercial. So I guess it’s good from that standpoint. Here, let’s play it again because we owe them (sigh) a couple of make-goods. I just feel horrible. I had a caller refer to this as the ‘stench of roadkill.’ It’s not that bad, really. (replaying of commercial) Eight eastern on CNN, Parker Spitzer, so there you have it. It’s, I think, perfectly fine commercial. We’re honored that they chose our program to advertise their program. One more time, one more make-good, one more make-good, because I don’t want to leave the program today feeling guilty about this in any way. (replaying of commercial)

Parker Spitzer: Eight Eastern on CNN.