“As soon as I learned what the smell of bacon was, I learned how to make it.”
“May I share with you how giddy with awe and pride I am over the job our military personnel are doing in Iraq? Get this headline from the New York Times: ‘Militant Group is Out of Baghdad, US Says.’ Well, now, who could
“I wanted to bring this good news out of Iraq to the forefront of the program today and give kudos to every one of you in the United States military because you are a fraternity that so many of us love, honor, and respect — and you have not been given the credit that you deserve throughout this whole thing.”
“Mrs. Clinton went into this greasy spoon diner in Iowa that all presidential candidates go to and ordered the famous ‘loose meat sandwich.’ No, I don’t think the loose meat sandwich is named after Bill, Mr. Snerdley.”
“I’ve told you many times: You can always determine the character of someone by observing how they treat people who can’t do anything for them.”
“You love New Jersey, right, Terri? Once you get past the dumps and the hazardous waste areas near Giants Stadium?”
“Governor Corzine in New Jersey said that his stem cell measure failed because the people ‘didn’t understand it.’ You don’t understand, Governor! People do not want to pay any more taxes! Am I sounding too shrill?”
“I wonder if the fourth graders at Bay Haven Elementary in Sarasota, Florida, will honor gonorrhea in their Thanksgiving skit: ‘Thanks for helping us, white guys. Sorry about that burning sensation you’re feeling, but we must honor gonorrhea.'”
“If I had a little boy and he wanted a play kitchen set, I’d go buy a hibachi, get me some briquettes, some lighter fuel and a match and say, ‘Watch this, son.'”
“The transgenders and transsexuals were told by the House of Representatives to go to the back of the bus. Yep, that’s what your House of Representatives was doing yesterday, ladies and gentlemen.”
