Shed No Tears for Fallen TOTUS

RUSH: Obama was going to do a town hall meeting out in Michigan. He cancelled the town hall meeting and he’s just going to do a speech now. Yes, that’s exactly right. Why do you figure? The teleprompter died yesterday. There’s a big question. Steve Gilbert at Sweetness-Light.com is not so sure that it was an accident. Steve Gilbert has explored the possibility that Obama’s teleprompter committed suicide. They need to call in the Los Angeles County coroner here to find out exactly what happened to that teleprompter. We have the audio of the teleprompter dying or committing suicide, whichever it is. This is in the OEO, the executive office building over, the Eisenhower office building, and he was speaking to the White House Office of Urban Affairs, urban and metropolitan policy roundtable. This is the sad incident. I don’t know if a eulogy is in order here or not. I’m sure they’ve got baby teleprompters and backups, but I mean the head honcho just bit the dust yesterday.

OBAMA: We took swift and aggression action in the first months of my administration, uh, to pull our economy — (crashing sound) oh, goodness. (laughter) Sorry about that, guys. (laughter)

RUSH: He doesn’t even apologize to the teleprompter, doesn’t run over to see if it’s okay. Just apologizes to all the people in the room. I mean the teleprompter makes him. The teleprompter is Obama. Whatever it says is what he says, and it just crashed and burned there. You know, words cannot convey, ladies and gentlemen, the horror that everybody experienced when we saw the graphic pictures of the teleprompter-in-chief on the floor shattered into hundreds of pieces. There were heroic efforts, best electricians, the best computer experts to save the teleprompter, kind of like Humpty-Dumpty, the teleprompter-in-chief. There’s a vice teleprompter. But I mean we hope to never have to get there and we’re there now. The teleprompter-in-chief could not be put back together again, lapsed into perpetual sleep mode and went on to make his maker, the Great Communicator in the sky.

Who among us is not sad to see the Teleprompter of the United States, TOTUS, such immense talent, pass away at such a young age. I mean, this prompter is not even seven months old. The president’s teleprompter, brilliantly talented, a giant in his field, one of the best teleprompters ever. At a time like this many will say he was taken from us too soon, that his best days were still ahead of him. To that I say good riddance. That little wiseass teleprompter was propping up an authoritarian socialist and helped this president conduct a War on Prosperity. This teleprompter that everybody is feeling so sorry for helped the president destroy the private sector. This teleprompter was the best friend of a fraudulent, anti-free market liberal. The dearly departed teleprompter was an accessory here to outrageous acts against the United States economy, attempting to take our money and property under false pretenses, lying about global warming, lying about health care, cap and tax and what have you.

I don’t have any sorrow that the teleprompter is fini. None whatsoever. Well, I know, people are gonna get mad at me here for having no compassion about this, but the teleprompter has its own website, or had now. I don’t know who’s going to take over. Now, if it committed suicide, maybe we can have some compassion. Maybe it didn’t like what it was having to say. But if it was just an accident… (sigh) Now, here’s what happens. People have been asking me all night, ‘What happens when the teleprompter-in-chief, what happens when the TOTUS, when it dies like this, what happens?’ What happens is that the teleprompter’s duties and powers are immediately transferred to Biden’s teleprompter. This happens under the 25th Amendment. I know there were rumors that the teleprompter was somehow taking drugs, Diprivan, which is an anesthetic, and of course that has nothing to do with teleprompters but it obviously had some effect. If these rumors are true, and we’re waiting for the official details on all of this from TMZ.com to find out exactly what’s at stake here. Let’s go back, not as an official eulogy, but let’s remember some of the high points from the life of the Teleprompter of the United States, back to May 27th in Colorado Springs, Colorado, the Air Force Academy, Vice President Biden.

BIDEN: It also needs a special brand of strategic thinking that are gained only in the thin air of Colorado Springs. And the windy air of Colorado Springs. What am I going to tell the president when I tell him his teleprompter is broken? What will he do then?

RUSH: The teleprompter fell. It tried to kill itself at the Air Force Academy when Biden was doing the commencement speech. For some reason Biden’s teleprompter was not there. It’s Biden’s teleprompter that now becomes TOTUS under the 25th Amendment. And the teleprompter, by the way, things were not well in the White House because the teleprompter really told Obama a story last week, and, of course, Obama repeated the story about how he met his wife.

OBAMA: To the entire class of 2009, congratulations to you. I don’t know if anybody else will meet their future wife or husband in class like I did, but I’m sure that you’re all going to have wonderful careers.

RUSH: Now, Obama did not meet his wife in class. Obama met his wife at a law firm. I forget the name of the law firm, but she’d been working there a year and he was essentially an intern. So the teleprompter was sabotaging Obama even as recently as last week. Now, if you’re President Obama and you’re up reading the teleprompter and it says something that’s not true about your personal life, don’t you stop and get it right and then have a little chat with the teleprompter later? He just went ahead and read it even though he did not meet his wife in class. The Clintons met in class, but the Obamas did not. Now, the State-Run Media decided they had to do some quick clean up after this faux pas. Thursday night, The Situation Room on CNN, the CNN international security correspondent Paula Newton said this about Obama.

NEWTON: President Obama was apparently so jet-lagged during a speech he said he met his wife at school. He met her at work. Oh well, never mind.

RUSH: If any of these things had happened to George W. Bush, front page, what an idiot, what a dolt, what a dope. State-Run Media covering for Obama. So, as you see, things were not well between Obama and the teleprompter in the first place. And so the idea that this was all an accident yesterday is something that people are still trying to figure out. So the teleprompter now is gone, and Obama gets Biden’s. (interruption) Well, now, you raise an interesting question. Snerdley raises an interesting question. Was there a secret CIA program that nobody knows about, perhaps hatched by Dick Cheney in his remaining days in office to get this teleprompter? We’ll never know.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: I’ve just learned, ladies and gentlemen, that the Teleprompter of the United States (TOTUS), it’s been reported, was extremely depressed in recent weeks. President Obama continues to claim his administration is transparent, and yet only the teleprompter is transparent — especially the part that died yesterday. It’s a piece of glass you see through, and that was the only transparency in the Obama administration. It was never discussed. The teleprompter was never getting the credit that it thought it was due. Things are not well. The TOTUS, the Teleprompter of the United States, is survived by its wife, a General Electric toaster oven; and its four iPod children, which have homes throughout the West Wing in the White House. That little ditty here about the teleprompter making Obama say he met his wife in class, when he met his wife at work? Perhaps Obama met his next wife in class, and they’re just getting around to it. You never know, because that’s a substantive error out there and not long after that, bam! Bam-ster! The teleprompter is fini.