Official Obama Criticizer: Ludacris

RUSH: And now, ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado, we turn to the Official Obama Criticizer, Bo Snerdley.

SNERDLEY: This is Bo Snerdley, Official Barack Criticizer for the EIB Network, certified black enough to criticize with non-homogenized organic slave blood. I have a statement. Mr. Obama, your trip to Europe — marred by your gross insensitivity to our wounded troops, ego-based photo-ops with foreign leaders, and a speech about nothing to a large crowd in Germany — has now been overshadowed by the rapper Ludacris. It was you who connected Ludacris to your election efforts, touting his music was on your iPod and seeking to establish your hipness. Now, Ludacris is coming back to bite you. Instead of throwing Ludacris overboard with your grandma, you could have bridged the gap, sir, by putting the comments of Ludacris in proper perspective; thus bringing the ‘two Americas’ you Democrats have created together — and at the same time, taking on the mainstream press, who have attacked you by blowing up this silly little song out of proportion. Sadly, sir, you’ve let us down once more. And now a translation for EIB brothers and sisters in the hood.

LUDACRIS: The world is ready for change because Obama is here! Yeeya!

SNERDLEY: Yo, dog. This ain’t cool, yo. First, while all you homeys in the hood are still trying to gas up their rides, man, four bucks a pop, you posing over in Europe, yo? Then you head back to the cribby, and first thing that you do, you diss Ludacris! What’s up with that? Yo, man, you are the one that gave him his props in the first place.

LUDACRIS: With a slot in the president’s iPod Obama shouted ’em and said I handle my biz and I’m one of his favorite rappers. Well give Luda a special pardon if I’m ever in the slammer. Better yet put me in office. Make me your vice president.

SNERDLEY: Now, check this out, yo. Since you won’t give America the 411 on what Ludacris was trying to say, I guess I gotta do it. A’right?

LUDACRIS: Hillary hated on you, so that bitch is irrelevant. Jesse talking slick and apologizing for what? If you said it then you meant it how you want it head or gut? And all you other politicians trying to hate on my man, watch us win majority vote in every state on my man.

SNERDLEY: All the brother was trying to say, yo — and you could have just explained this to everybody — was that Hillary’s camp was dissing you. True that? You know, she vetched you, man, you know that. She sent her crew out to destroy your world, man, talking about that Muslim thing. You know, your coke deal, you know what I’m saying? Then she was trying to even imply, yo, that you might be dealing. You remember all that, don’t you? Then Bill, yo, boy, home boy totally came out on you. So now you dissing Ludacris for calling her a ‘bitch’? Yo, mang! What you go out and you talking about this is misogynistic. You know what was misogynistic, brother, the way Bill illed all those women up in the White House, yo. That was misogynistic. How about those women they talking about, ‘Yo, he raped me?’ Put on me ice on it? Yo, man you shoulda just went out there and say, ‘Yo, boy, you boys in the press need to put some ice on this, man, because Ludacris ain’t the one that’s misogynistic, yo. It ain’t him.’ Now, for Jesse, yo, what did he say? All Jesse said was that he wanted to cut your baby makers out. He want to cut your nuts out, brother, ”cause you talking down to the niggers.’ That’s what he said. I’m not saying it. That’s what he said. Okay? Everybody is making him backtrack, yo. But this is the same kind of stuff we rappers say every day. You know it, brother; I know it brother. So you tell the press tell ought the president, ‘What you getting ill with Ludacris for? This stuff was on my iPod. This was one of my American constituents, yo, and ain’t got nothing to say about it.’

LUDACRIS: So get off your ass, black people. It’s time to get out and vote! Paint the White House black and I’m sure that’s got ’em terrified. McCain don’t belong in any chair unless he’s paralyzed.

SNERDLEY: Now, yo, check this out. Who is it that’s been saying the boy is old? It wasn’t Ludacris first. It was yo boys in the press. Oh, okay. That’s all homey was saying. That’s all homey was saying. As for Bush…

LUDACRIS: …Bush is mentally handicapped. Ball up all of his speeches and just throw ’em like candy wrap, ’cause what you talking I hear nothing even relevant, and you the worst of all 43 presidents.

SNERDLEY: That’s…all…everybody…has…been…saying in the Democrat Party since he was elected! My statement is over.

RUSH: That is the Official Obama Criticizer Bo Snerdley. The Obama campaign also very much upset over the successful McCain ad that portrays Obama as nothing but a Class B celebrity punk.