RUSH: Now, ladies and gentlemen, here the piece de resistance, the huge finale from Barack Obama’s speech last night in St. Paul.
OBAMA: If we are willing to work for it and fight for it and believe in it, then I am absolutely certain that generations from now we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs for the jobless. (cheers) This was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal. (cheers) This was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation and restored our image as the last, best hope on earth. (shouting) This was the moment, this was the time when we came together so remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves and our highest ideals. Thank you, Minnesota! God bless you. God bless the United States of America. (cheers and applause)
RUSH: Sounds wonderful, right? To a lot of airheads, to a lot of dorks, to a lot of dunces this sounds just fabulous. ‘We began to provide care for the sick.’ We’ve got the best medical care in the world! ‘Good jobs for the jobless.’ The unemployment rate is 5%! Anybody not working in America today does not want to work. It’s just that simple. ‘…when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal.’ Ladies and gentlemen, in order to protect the integrity and decorum of this program, I am going to step aside for a moment and bring aboard the Official Obama Criticizer: Bo Snerdley.
SNERDLEY: This is Bo Snerdley, the EIB Official Barack Criticizer, certified black enough to criticize — and I have a message. Senator Obama in your victory speech last night you declared that this was America’s moment that somehow now, if we are willing to work for it — fight for it, believe in it — we’re all going to look back someday and realize, this was the moment that we began to care for the sick, to have jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans would begin to slow and our planet would begin to heal. This was the moment we came together to remake this great nation. That’s what you said. Excuse me, sir. What country have you been living in? Americans have been working hard since there was America! It’s that work that made this the world’s lone superpower, that work that built a nation that is the envy of the world. And what is this business about the oceans begin to slow? What does that mean? In fact, what do you mean? This is insulting, sir! America is great; it was great before you stepped on the scene. The thing that frightens us, sir, is that you are hell-bent on destroying what is great in the name of liberalism.
Now, a translation for the EIB brothers and sisters in the ‘hood: My brutha, O! Big ups on your win, yo. You the big dog now, but yo, listen up, what’s up with that speech, bro? Check it out. You running for president or you running to become black Moses, yo? You going to all day like, you know, step on the scene, the world, the ocean’s going to part, then start slowing down? Yo, that sounds a little fishy to me, yo. And the joblessness? You want to get jobs for people, yo? Doing what? But if you throwin’ down jobs I got a few peeps to hit you up with, brothers and sisters looking for jobs out there better paying money, Rezko, yo? Look, I got news for you, most of us even the typical white people, yo, we already care for sick people — and dig this, bro. What kind of policy you holding back that can heal the planet? Especially since it’s not sick. Between you and me, yo, the earf isn’t sick, doesn’t really need to be healed. Yo, bro, you need to chill, you know? You’re not God, despite yo press coverage.
That concludes our statement.
RUSH: The Official Obama Criticizer, Bo Snerdley.