“I promise we’ll get to the Hillary Clinton Stack tomorrow. I’ve been in a blue funk since Friday, and I didn’t want to talk about Hillary Clinton.”
“Warning, folks: I’m in a blue funk, and I don’t know why. I’ve been in a flat-line blue funk since Friday. These things happen to me sometimes; they’re rare… No, Snerdley, it’s not ‘male menopause’ — there’s no such thing! Don’t make me laugh.”
“So once again, the Democrats are exploiting a young child, ladies and gentlemen, for the advancement of a political issue that will grow the size of government and increase their control over us. I really want to puke.”
“One more thing about NBC and their 150 hours of a ‘green’ initiative, starting during the football game last night: I turned on more lights in the house than I needed on. That’s how I reacted to this!”
“I’m the pioneer. I’m the trendsetter. I start the snowball rolling down the mountain that causes the avalanche.”
“When I saw that late-night comedy shows would have to go into reruns tonight because of the strike, my first reaction was, ‘You gotta be kidding!’ All these ‘brilliant’ funnymen — Leno, Letterman, Stewart, Colbert — they can’t do their shows without writers?”
“This is when Democrats get really nuts — when nothing works for them. They start getting frustrated, and that’s when they blame us for their failures– that’s when they decide we need to be punished for not understanding their brilliance.”
“Billy, if I were there I’d grab your shoulders and start shaking you to the point where Child Services would come and haul me away.”
“This goes for all of you, not just the young people in this massive audience: Do not let the never-ending drumbeat of catastrophe, apocalypse, and doom and gloom that is on virtually every media outlet affect you. You live in the United States of America!”
“Other women cry, ladies and gentlemen. Oprah weeps.”
