Feminists Do Not Have More Fun

RUSH: Dadelut dadelut dadelut — it’s the trumpet fanfare, folks, and it means it’s time for a feminist update. We go back to our Grooveyard of Forgotten Favorite archives for the theme. The actual audio is real here.

(Playing of feminist update theme song.)

It’s actual audio from a pro-choice rally amongst the NAGs and the feminazis back in the early nineties mixed with the Forrester Sisters and Men; it’s our official feminist update theme song. All right, here is the feminist update. It is from LiveScience.com. ‘Feminists Have More Fun,’ is the headline. It’s a perfect example, this story, of using stupid, never-ending studies to change what we know to what they want us to know. ‘Feminism boosts sexual satisfaction for both men and women, a new study suggests.’ BS. BS, folks! I’m telling you, I’ve been through the feminist jungle out there. It ain’t true! I don’t care what studies they want to site. Here’s the next line. ‘Busting stereotypes that peg feminists as ugly lesbians…’ uh, what stereotypes? ‘… a new study shows that having a feminist partner is linked with healthier, more romantic heterosexual relationships. The study, published online this week in the journal Sex Roles…’ get us a subscription to that, Dawn. We have all these magazines that are out there, we never heard of them.

‘Sex Roles, relied on surveys of both college students and older adults, finding that women with egalitarian attitudes do find mates and men do find them attractive. In fact, results reveal they are having a good time, maybe a better time than the non-feminists. Both men and women are prone to holding negative views of feminists, the authors say. Along with the sexually unattractive stereotype, some women also view feminism as a movement for victims, or for women who aren’t competent enough to achieve success on their own merit, according to the Rutgers University researchers.’ That’s not how I see them. I just see them as miserable and unhappy. Feminists are feminists because they’re unhappy. They just don’t like human nature because human nature was so unkind to them. Go look at Undeniable Truth of Life number 24, folks, authored by me back in the late eighties: Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.

‘College-age women who reported having feminist male partners also reported higher quality relationships that were more stable than couples involving non-feminist male partners.’ Oh. So traditional guys are just a bunch of lug heads and rogues and you can’t count on them, and predators, but these chickified guys, the feminist guys, why, those are the ones you can really have a great time with; those are the ones you can control; those are the ones you can manipulate, walk all over, those are the ones that are so henpecked the only thing they do behind their feminist wives’ back is zip her up, if she ever wears anything that needs to be zipped up. Folks, let’s be honest about something here, let’s just cut to the chase. Feminist male partners, which is funny, because we know that ‘feminist male partners’ come with batteries.

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