Luke Sissyfag, Howell Heflin & Womb to the Tomb

RUSH: Let’s go to Omaha. This is Roger. Great to have you, sir, here on the EIB Network.

CALLER: Hi. I appreciate all you do for America, and there’s no doubt that you’re one of the funniest, most informative broadcasters that I’ll ever see in my lifetime.

RUSH: Well, thank you.

CALLER: Thank you for all you do.

RUSH: I appreciate you saying that, I really do.

CALLER: I’m a truck driver, and over the last 18 years, you’ve given me so much to laugh about that sometimes I… Well, I call it ‘the ten mile laugh,’ where you state something and I laugh for ten miles going down the road. So I can’t imagine what I must have missed in those ten miles, but anyway some of the most memorable things that I have heard on your show: you remember Luke Sissyfag?

RUSH: Oh, yeah. Who could forget Luke Sissyfag?

CALLER: Whatever happened to him?

RUSH: Luke Sissyfag right now is an animal rights activist. He’s working for some nonprofit thing. In the nineties, he was working for someplace called Last Chance for Animals. His real name is Luke Montgomery, but he called himself ‘Luke Sissyfag.’ He was a member of ACT-UP, the militant AIDS group.

CALLER: Yep.

RUSH: I think it was December 1st, 1993, World AIDS Day, where we got to know him. He attended a speech in Washington that Clinton was marking the occasion, and Luke Sissyfag interrupted the speech and shouted at the president he wasn’t taking enough action against AIDS. And, you know, he made statements that were highly critical of the gay community, following a tradition of AIDS activists set by the likes of Larry Kramer and so forth. He actually ended up agreeing with me somewhere publicly, that I said the problem with AIDS is that the Democrats have politicized that.

CALLER: That’s right.

RUSH: That the liberals have politicized that, and he actually agreed with me. Luke Sissyfag agreed with Rush Limbaugh.

CALLER: That’s why I remembered it.

RUSH: But he’s still around. He’s an animal rights wacko now.

CALLER: Okay, and I have my favorite hip-hop song of all time: Womb to the Tomb.

RUSH: Oh!

CALLER: Is there any way that you could play that?

RUSH: Yeah, we’ve had it standing by for you, ever since you requested it out there.

CALLER: I’ve been sitting here, I thought of another great story that you told about back in the old days when people could say stuff on the floor of the Senate that they don’t say now. You were talking about some southern Democrat that was talking about Ted Kennedy doing offshore drilling.

RUSH: Oh, yeah. Well, that was Howell Heflin.

CALLER: Okay. But that story that you told, I’ll tell you what, I couldn’t stop laughing.

RUSH: You want to hear the story again before Womb to the Tomb?

CALLER: Oh, yes.

RUSH: The thing is, this is a true story.

CALLER: Yes.

RUSH: What happened was — this is back in the late eighties, I think — Senator Kennedy is vacationing off the coast of the south of France and he’s got a young nubile, very limber and flexible young woman with him, scantily clad in a nice bikini. We know this because paparazzi were taking pictures from neighboring boats, and the New York Daily News published the pictures, and there were a series of four pictures. The first picture shows them cavorting out there on the boat. The second picture shows us the scantily clad, nubile, very flexible and limber young woman diving in the water off the edge of the boat. The next picture showed Senator Kennedy jumping in after her — which was a first for Senator Kennedy to go in the water after a woman — and then the last picture showed them back in the boat making… uh, ‘having intimacies,’ let’s say. The pictures made the rounds, and they showed them to Howell Heflin, a Senator from Alabama. He was a huge guy, and he looked at the picture and said (rare Howell Heflin impression), ‘Well, I do declare! Ha! Why, it do look to me like Senator Kennedy done changed his position on offshore drilling.’

CALLER: (Riotous laughter)

RUSH: All right, now, here’s Womb to the Tomb, and this is by Doug Rice and the Testocles, ladies and gentlemen, from the Grooveyard of Forgotten Favorites.

(Playing of Womb to the Tomb.)

RUSH: That’s Doug Rice and the Testocles and Womb to the Tomb.