El Rushbo’s Bad Day Off

RUSH: I have to tell you, I had this super-secret meeting yesterday about which nothing I can divulge, but I’ll tell you, yesterday — and we all have these experiences. I haven’t had one in a long time. Generally, as a powerful, influential member of the media, I’m immune from these kinds of things. I had a day yesterday where everything that could go wrong did, other than the super-secret meeting. You have these days where you walk through a door and you miss it by an inch and you bang your shoulder because you’re carrying something. I had my garment bag — and, yes, I carry it myself many places — but I had (interruption). Well, no. No. (Laughing.) It’s just my clothes on hangers in there, but one of the hangers came loose. It was just a disaster in there, and then the briefcase fell apart. The handle on my briefcase fell apart! (interruption) Well, cigars, a whole bunch of stuff is in the briefcase. The briefcase is like my purse. It was just one of those days, and it started, and I became irritable about all kinds of things — everything, of course except the super-secret meeting about which nothing I can divulge.

The super-secret meeting was in Philadelphia. It got to be time to leave Philadelphia. I was late getting out of there. So we got wheels up out of Philadelphia, what time was it? It was ten after seven, and five minutes after we got up in the air, the pilot comes back and says, ‘Guess what? They just put a 30-minute hold on all landings at Teterboro because some politician has gone in there.’ So we started speculating. ‘Who the hell could this be? Why would they close an airport because a politician is arriving? It had to be Hillary, had to be the Reverend Jackson,’ and so we start the circle holding pattern. I don’t care. Everything else has gone wrong, so it’s become a comedy of errors. Five minutes later, the pilot comes back and says, ‘They’ve just closed it for an hour,’ and I said, ‘Well, the hell with it. Let’s go to Newark.’ Now, normally you avoid Newark because there’s a lot of traffic out there, and you never know how long you’re going to be in a holding pattern to land there. We got in there in 16 minutes. Cool! I get in the car. On the way into the city, I am told, ‘By the way, the air-conditioning at your apartment is not working. They’re working on it. They expect to have it fixed.’

You might think, ‘Well, it’s not that hot outside,’ but for some reason, without the air-conditioning on, it is always hot. So I’m running around opening windows, trying to create drafts through the place to cool it off and so forth, and it was just one of those days. I thought, ‘It better get better tomorrow or I’m going to drop the F-bomb and not even know it.’ (laughing) I’m just going to be in a pig (interruption). What was that? Who said something to me? Oh, it’s Snerdley. Snerdley says I’m not out of touch. That’s right. These kind of days happen to me. Look, I’m leaving out a whole bunch of stuff here. I’m giving you the highlights. Everything that could have gone wrong — well, not everything, but the vast majority what could have gone wrong did. That’s why I was waiting for the Dittocam not to work today. I was waiting for the key to not work to get into the studio here, all kinds of things, because it was one of those days, and generally they’re not contained in just one day.

But everything was cool, and we’re up and running, and looking forward to the next two days and all the state and city taxes I get to pay as the privilege and honor for being in New York and earning a living, even though I don’t live here. Oh, and then another thing. This morning I get up, and I’m ready to get in here at the usual time to begin show prep and I get a note from Cookie, ‘Hey, this is semi-annual fire drill day at the EIB Building,’ and I said, ‘For crying out loud, I’m not going to go in there and as soon as I get there have to be rushed down to the street in a fire drill.’ I understand they gotta do this, homeland security and all. So I did a lot of work from home this morning, delaying my arrival here. I got here and they still hadn’t gotten to our floor for the fire drill. So I hid in the closet when the fire alarm went off, good citizen that I am. So I think everything’s okay now. I think everything is cool, and I think it’s going to be smooth sailing, but I just wanted to warn you.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: This is Mary in Staten Island. Mary, you’re next. It’s great to have you on the EIB Network. Hello.

CALLER: Hi, Rush. This is Mary from Staten Island. You made a comment about how you hid in the closet during a fire drill? I think that if you’re on the air you should be a little bit more responsible. I understand that you didn’t want to go participate in the fire drill, so they know that you’re important.

RUSH: Wait! Hold on!

CALLER: Yes?

RUSH: Ho’, ho’, ho’, ho’, ho!

CALLER: I’m listening. Ho-ho-ho.

RUSH: No, I didn’t say ‘ho.’ I said hold. I said, ‘Hold on.’ (Rush Limbaugh calls caller ‘ho, ho, ho.’) No, I was saying…

CALLER: (Laughing.)

RUSH: You’re talking too fast, and the computer that tells me what you’re saying, the transcriber, I’m not getting what you’re saying. I’m getting about 70% of it and I have to read the rest and I’m not getting what you’re saying.

CALLER: Okay —

RUSH: Start again.

CALLER: Start again, okay.

RUSH: A little slower.

CALLER: You said that you hid in the closet during the fire drill.

RUSH: Yes.

CALLER: Although you know that they’re important and they’re necessary because of the way the world is today. If you’re on the air, you shouldn’t announce that you do something like that because you’re kind of setting a bad example for people — people that listen to you and obviously respect what you have to say or they wouldn’t be, you know, listening to you.

RUSH: You think…? You think…?

CALLER: Do you agree with me or not?

RUSH: You think people are now going to hide in closets —

CALLER: No, it just — I feel —

RUSH: — during their fire drills?

CALLER: Well, you just make it more like it’s not important. If there is an importance to it, you say you think it’s important but yet you behave that way —

RUSH: You know, you may have a point, but I have a pattern of this kind of behavior. Have you ever been on a cruise?

CALLER: Yes, I go on cruises all the time.

RUSH: All right. Well, right after you leave, they do the fire drill where everybody runs to the nearest station with a lifeboat.

CALLER: A muster station, yes, and I participate in those.

RUSH: I’ve always hid in the closet during those things, too. I’m not going to go mess around with this stuff.

CALLER: Pfft!

RUSH: I’ll have to take this under consideration and under advisement, because you may have a point. I may be setting a bad example particularly for the youth of America because essentially what I’m saying out there is, ‘I’m better than this. I don’t have to do this.’

CALLER: That’s exactly my point!

RUSH: That’s right. ‘I don’t have to do what the common people do or what the plebes do. I, because of being a powerful, influential member of the media can hide in the closet.’ Of course, now, this leads to an interesting thing. I’m still taking a risk, not only by doing this but by admitting it because I have also admitted in a certain way of looking at it that I ‘came out of the closet’ this morning. Wait ’til the Media Matters crowd gets hold of that.

CALLER: (Laughing.)

RUSH: So I could be facing double jeopardy! (Laughing.)

CALLER: Oh, boy.

RUSH: All right, Mary, thank you. Has this caused you problems respecting me? You’re not going to listen anymore?

CALLER: Actually my dad’s a big fan, and he drove me to the city today so I was kind of forced to listen to you. (Laughing.)

RUSH: (Laughing.)

CALLER: But I do listen on occasion.

RUSH: What do you mean, ‘forced’! Forced to listen! Well, have you enjoyed this phone call? Has it been a pleasant experience for you?

CALLER: Yes, I have.

RUSH: All right. Well, call again. It will be that way again, and as you listen it will become even more and more pleasant.

CALLER: Right.

RUSH: Pretty soon you’re going to be addicted. You won’t be able to do anything about it anyway.

CALLER: That’s what my father says. (Laughs.)

RUSH: He’s exactly right. Mary, thanks for the call.

CALLER: Have a good day.

RUSH: I appreciate it. You do the same.