RUSH: So we have this astronaut babe Lisa Nowak. She’s 43 years old. She flew last July on a shuttle mission to the International Space Station. She drove all the way from Houston to the Orlando International Airport, and she wore diapers. She drove 900 or a thousand miles and wore diapers so she wouldn’t have to stop at rest areas and use the restroom! This is an obsessed woman. She’s part of a love triangle. She’s married; she’s got three kids, and then there’s this astronaut guy in the middle of this, and there’s some other woman that Lisa Nowak thought was her rival and I just asked at the beginning of the show, “Would you like to be the guy in this threesome?” I immediately got a chorus of no’s (laughing.) Understandably so. All right, here’s what happened.
“Nowak believed another woman, Colleen Shipman, was romantically involved with [Navy Commander William] Oefelein.” He was a pilot during the space shuttle Discovery’s trip to the space station last December. Lisa Nowak told the fuzz that her relationship with the guy was “‘more than a working relationship, but less than a romantic relationship.’ A NASA spokesman in Houston said that as of Monday, Nowak’s status with the astronaut corps remained unchanged. When Lisa Nowak found out that Colleen Shipman was flying to Orlando from Houston, Nowak decided to confront her, according to the arrest affidavit. Nowak raced from Houston to Orlando wearing diapers so she wouldn’t have to stop to urinate.” Now, stop and think about that. Colleen Shipman is going to fly there; Lisa Nowak is going to drive there. She had to race and get there before the flight did, so she had to leave long before the flight did. You know, astronauts do wear diapers during launch and reentry, so she has experience with diapers. You never know what’s going to happen.
“She was dressed in a wig and a trench coat. She boarded an airport bus that Colleen Shipman took to her car in an airport parking lot. Colleen Shipman told the police that she noticed someone following her, hurried inside the car, locked the doors, and then Nowak rapped on the window, tried to open the car door and asked for a ride.” She’s wigged up here, so the fellow astronaut babe did not recognize her right off the bat. “Shipman refused but rolled down the car window a few inches when Nowak started crying. Nowak then sprayed a chemical like pepper spray or mace into Shipman’s car.” This is all according to the fuzz affidavit! Shipman then, in the midst of having been maced or whatever, “drove to the parking lot booth and the police were called. During a check of the parking lot, an officer followed Nowak and watched her throw away a bag containing the wig and a BB gun. They found a steel mallet, a four-inch folding knife, rubber tubing, $600, and garbage bags inside a bag that Nowak was carrying when she was arrested.
“Inside Nowak’s vehicle, which was parked at a nearby motel, authorities uncovered a pepper spray package, an unused BB gun cartridge, Latex gloves, and e-mails between Shipman and,” the astronaut guy. “They also found a letter that indicated how much Mrs. Nowak loved the astronaut, an opened package for a Buck knife, Shipman’s home address, and handwritten directions to the address. Police said that Nowak told them she only wanted to scare Shipman into talking to her about her relationship with [the astronaut guy] and didn’t want to harm her physically.” Sergeant Barbara Jones, a spokesbabe for the Orlando fuzz said, “‘If you were just going to talk to someone, I don’t know what you would need a wig, a trench coat, an air cartridge BB gun and pepper spray for. It’s just really a very sad case.’ Now she ends up finding herself on the other side of the law with some very serious charges.” If she’s convicted of the attempted kidnapping, that alone can get a maximum of life in prison. She got an attorney. Her attorney went up and testified for her. “An additional charge of attempted first-degree murder has now been brought.”
Wow! What would make somebody do this? Have you ever been that nuts for somebody? Man, there’s a lot of stuff that happens out there in the human race, and you look at it and you say, “I could never do that, but I could understand somebody who would.” This? I don’t know how many people would do this. Obviously, this kind of thing has happened before. There are all kinds of oddballs and kooks, and they just lose it out there. You know what I would do? I’m not a defense lawyer, and I don’t want to become one, but there’s a number of things that we could advance as ideas for Lisa Nowak’s defense: all the time spent in zero gravity and the effect on various neuron firings in the brain; traveling in the atmosphere during global warming; the unknown effects of climate change, on astronauts, who are risking their lives in the first place in service to their country. Who knows what could have caused this? I wouldn’t even call it an emotional breakdown.
If I were a defense lawyer I’d say, “Something has happened in the brain chemistry here because this woman has never exhibited any behavior like this ever before — (whispering) that anybody knows of — and it’s not indicated in any of her screenings, her testings. She’s gone through all kinds of psychological testing at NASA! This is a shock. This is stunning. It has to be job related! It has to be climate related! You never know; they might have come through the ozone hole on reentry. There are any number of things here, and who knows what happens to the human brain when you come through the ozone hole on reentry, wearing diapers? She might have had a discharge wearing the diapers and been forever humiliated and the guy, the astronaut guy, knew this. Who knows what’s going on?” There are any number of ways to play this as a defense lawyer. Call Mike Nifong for advice. Call Patrick Fitzfong and ask both of them if they were prosecuting, how they would go about it. Prepare your defense in that way. There are any number of opportunities: substance abuse, alcohol? Go to rehab! Gavin Newsom is doing that.
Did you hear that? The Mayor of San Francisco? A valuable service was performed by Gavin Newsom by informing everybody that heterosexual sex does occur in San Francisco, when he had the affair with his best friend’s wife. Now he says he’s not drinking but he did have an alcohol problem. He wants to go to rehab, and some member of the San Francisco city government says he ought to resign; he just ought to quit; this is outrageous; this is absurd. No, it’s not! It’s a r?sum? enhancement. In fact, some Democrats are saying, “No, no, no! He’s got a perfect road map here to follow: the JFK-Bill Clinton road map. Clinton didn’t go to rehab. JFK didn’t go to rehab. Gavin Newsom is going. Regardless, he’s 39 years old and I still say it’s a r?sum? enhancement for his future presidential
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RUSH: To the phones quickly, Scott in Chico, California. That used to be the #1 party town in America, if you can believe that — well, party school, Chico State. Nice to have you with us, sir.
CALLER: Thanks, Rush. I contributed to that. Things have changed here a little bit. Hey, regarding the astronaut babe. When I first heard that on the news this morning, it was like you’ve been reading my mail. There is nothing more complicated to this than three words, and that is P-M-S.
RUSH: Those are initials or letters.
CALLER: Okay.
RUSH: You lost some brain cells at Chico State.
CALLER: (Laughing.) Well, you know, I filled in the acronym of PMS with other words, so you can just fill in the words.
RUSH: You can’t chalk it up to PMS, because if you chalk it up to PMS, every woman that endures PMS would behave like this!
CALLER: I have an ex that does behave like this.
RUSH: Oh, come on! With all those tools in the trunk chasing you halfway across the country?
CALLER: Uh-huh. You’d think after the first couple hours she’d calm down? Un-uh. She gets worse.
RUSH: Diapers in the car? Driving around with diapers on?
CALLER: (Laughing.)
RUSH: BB guns and this kind of stuff? No, this is different. I understand PMS is PMS. We’ve all seen it. We’ve all experienced it. It is why I suggested the All-American First Cavalry Amazon Battalion. Keep women such as Lisa Nowak in battle ready conditions. Send ’em out there. This Lisa Nowak could be an ideal candidate for the All-American First Cavalry Amazon Battalion.
CALLER: Can you imagine the white knuckles that she had driving those 900 miles, just clenching the steering wheel?
RUSH: Oh, I’m sure that steering wheel’s got fingerprints in it now. Indelible.
CALLER: (Laughing.) Anyway, this all sounds familiar.
RUSH: I think that’s very sexist of you to chalk this up to PMS. That’s a typical male thing to do. We’re focusing here on ways to come up with a defense in this case to help her out. Obviously something is not right there, and here you are, you’re calling it PMS and saying it reminds you of your ex-wife. (laughing) A lot of guys are shouting at the radio, “Yeah, me too! So?”
RUSH: Stephen in Louisville, Kentucky. You’re next, sir. Great to have you with us.
CALLER: Hey, Rush. I just wanted to ask you about this astronaut thing, and maybe you have the mind of a feminist or at least can explain what their reaction is going to be. How would they answer this astronaut compared to, maybe, females in the military working side by side with men perhaps like a female pilot carrying a nuclear bomb on a mission?
RUSH: (Laughing.)
CALLER: Would this have anything in relation to that?
RUSH: I tell you, I’m surprised at some of you people.
CALLER: Well, I thought you taught me well!
RUSH: No, no, no. The woman was not in the space shuttle. She was not flying a jet with a nuclear bomb on it. She was in a car racing across interstate highways in America.
CALLER: But she could have been carrying a nuclear bomb. (Laughing.)
RUSH: (Laughing.) Everybody’s laughing at this. Do you want to be in this woman’s shoes?
CALLER: (Laughing.) No-o-o!
RUSH: Do you want to know this woman? (Laughing.)
CALLER: (Laughing.) I’m only trying to use logic here, Rush.
RUSH: I’ll tell you, this story is just too easy, which is why everybody expects the PMS jokes and so forth. That’s why we are focusing on the defense. I really do think they ought to look into the fact that during the last reentry on the shuttle flight, her lunar cycle was whacked out — combined with the unknown effects in the upper atmosphere of global warming. I know that there’s no indication. You know, there can’t be. She couldn’t have gotten in the astronaut program if there were any psychological indication in her past or testing that this was going to happen. In other words, she could not have exhibited this kind of behavior in the past. The FBI checks all these people. Try to get in the astronaut program. It’s a tough thing to do. There are strenuous tests both mentally, physically, and psychologically. Something — something out there — just popped.
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RUSH: By the way, there’s something missing from this astro chick story. She’s married. She’s got three kids. Normally the Drive-By Media would have tracked down the husband by now — microphones thrust into his face — and he would have been asked, “Did you know about this, or are you just learning about it for the first time? Did she ever describe for you sex in a weightless atmosphere, 200 miles up there? What are you doing? How do you feel? What about the children?” So far we haven’t seen him. Now, I think the Drive-Bys are probably trying to chase this guy down. But, folks, one thing you have to keep in mind — you really have to keep in mind. We’ve learned this in the last six months.
Remember the woman in Germany or some European country who aborted her child or didn’t conceive a child because she found out it was going to have some kind of mental or physical defect, and everybody was outraged that she would do this? “Well, until you’ve…” What did she say? “been in my circumstances, you have no right to comment on this,” and I think until any of us have driven 900 miles in a diaper, we really have no right to comment on (Laughing.) Lisa Nowak and her circumstances. This is tragic. These astronaut people, they are finely tuned and trained, and it doesn’t take much off that center needle meter position to go wacko. It’s just strange. But until we’ve done what she did, until you got a BB gun in your car, some mace, put on a wig, and this sort of thing, a trench coat and driven 900 miles without stopping in a diaper… A Depends diaper is what we’re talking about.
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RUSH: Here’s Kevin in an Annville, Pennsylvania. You’re great to wait. I appreciate it. Thanks much.
CALLER: Oh, Rush, mega Nobel Peace Prize dittos to you, sir.
RUSH: Thank you, sir.
CALLER: It is a pleasure. Right off the bat, if I can, my wife is on the road today and so she’s listening and —
RUSH: Is she wearing a diaper?
CALLER: (Laughing.) I hope not! Anyhow, as a suggestion, “Tropical Heat Waves,” I think it was Rosemary Clooney from “Grumpy Old Men” as your Global Warming Update Song?
RUSH: I’ll put it on the list.
CALLER: Anyway, the thing about the lady astronaut who… uh, had this problem? I kind of submit that in a high-pressure, high-stress job — be it fireman, policeman, astronaut — women are not held to the higher standard, you know, because of firemen follies and the 105-pound woman who was overtaken by the 250- pound thug who ended up killing a couple of court officers and was talked down by the gal who read “A Purpose Driven Life” to him.
RUSH: Oh, yeah, you’re talking about the situation in Atlanta. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
CALLER: Right. Anyhow, they’re saying that NASA says they didn’t see this tendency in her emotional profile, and I don’t think that she was probably held to that higher standard —
RUSH: Hmm.
CALLER: — because women and men are different as far as their thought process. Men think analytically; women think emotionally. So therefore I don’t think that — that, you know, she was probably judged in that — in that — you know, in that high of a —
RUSH: This takes guts for you to be calling here and accusing NASA of lowering standards to get women in the astronaut program.
CALLER: (Laughing.) I know. I’m probably condemned —
RUSH: This is not the same thing. This is not combat in the military. This is not fighting fires and lugging around hoses. They’re dealing in a weightless atmosphere, and these astronauts are some of the most intelligent people we have.
CALLER: Agreed.
RUSH: Look at the tasks they perform up there: repairing the Hubble telescope, things going wrong in the International Space Station. They are all at the top of their class in terms of pilots.
CALLER: Sure.
RUSH: This is the first I’ve even considered the fact that the usual affirmative action standards in the rest of our culture would be “lowered” for female astronauts. I’ve not heard that.
CALLER: I’m just suggesting as far as emotional profiling.
RUSH: Well, let me tell you something. I don’t know a whole lot about this, but I do know — I’ve read enough to know — what these people are put through in the astronaut program. They are put through isolation, solitary confinement; they are put through circumstances that come as close to replicating being in space as possible. They are put in heat chambers to test their ability to withstand the stress of the air-conditioning going off. It is not easy. They’re some of the most underpaid people doing what they do who have achieved the best in their lives, and I, frankly, on this, would be stunned if there are such compromises in the qualifications, both emotional, psychological, mental, in IQ, this sort of thing, for people that make the astronaut program.
I would be stunned if I was incorrect about this, but if I am, I stand to be corrected by somebody that knows. This is rigorous, rigorous training these people go through. I think, if anything, what happens is you get trained to such a taut straight line that when you snap, you snap. But look, this is very uncommon. We have not seen behavior like this before among the astronaut corps, if you will — certainly not that we’ve learned of or known about. So that’s why it’s risky to make hasty judgments and generalizations about this. We’re all individuals, and to typecast this in any way, shape, manner, or form, generalize, stereotype, is a risky thing to do, and until we have all driven 900 miles in either her diaper or a diaper, it’s not fair or proper for any of us to actually be critical or condemnatory. I must take a brief time-out. Thanks for the call out there, Kevin.