Shaft, Stretch, Dick & Kerry

Okay. If your children are listening… Well, never mind. This is okay for children because the UN is doing this. Never mind. If your kids are with you, it’s fine. Don’t worry. Forget I said that. “A new global campaign to stop the spread of AIDS uses three animated characters dressed as condoms who deliver a serious message in humorous public service spots in 41 languages: If you’re going to have sex, use a condom. The short spots are being offered free to broadcasters, community groups and universities and have the potential of reaching 80 percent of the world’s population, Canadian producer-director Firdaus Kharas said Tuesday. ‘We’re using humor to stop the spread of AIDS,’ he told a news conference launching the public service announcements, which are targeted at people aged 15 to 24 in countries threatened by the epidemic including India, China, Russia, the Caribbean and central Asia.”
The Three Amigos is the name of the combined set of cartoon characters — actually, animated characters — dressed as condoms. The Three Amigos. The Three Amigos have names that they’ve been given. Again, the United Nations is sponsoring this. A Canadian director/producer put together the campaign, Firdaus Kharas. Here are the names of The Three Amigos, the animated characters dressed as condoms. The three names are: Shaft, Stretch and Dick.
BREAK TRANSCRIPT
Now, I realize that many of you might think I’m making some things up here on this UN condom story. I assure you I’m not. There is a new global campaign to stop the spread of AIDS. It uses three animated characters dressed as condoms to deliver a serious message. It’s being offered free to broadcasters in 41 languages. The theme is: “If you’re going to have sex, use a condom.” The three characters are called The Three Amigos. Their names are Shaft, Stretch and Dick. “They are pictured in a variety of settings from a spaceship to a soccer field to a casino. Some spots are blatantly sexual, others more restrained. The punch line in the spaceship spot says: ‘No condom, No blastoff. Stop the spread of AIDS.’ The soccer spot says: ‘You just can’t score without a condom.’ And the spot focusing on a roulette wheel in a casino says: ‘Not all gamblers realize the odds stacked against them. Don’t gamble with your life. Use a condom. Stop the spread of AIDS.'” They’re being shown in South Africa, Canada and the Netherlands. They’ve already won 25 international awards, and a strong endorsement from South African Archbishop Desmond Tutu.”
I love what Reagan said about Tutu once. He just had an interview, a little meeting in the Oval Office with Tutu and he walked outside to meet the press, and Tutu just ripped Reagan left and right. The next day, the press said, “What do you think of Tutu?” Meaning what did you think of what he said? Reagan said, “Tutu? So-so.” So the only thing missing here is John Kerry dressed as a sperm, ladies and gentlemen. John Kerry dressed as a sperm would be a great addition to the characters of Shaft, Stretch and Dick, helping to stop the spread of AIDS. Well, because you could have Kerry dressed as sperm to show what happens at blastoff when wearing either Shaft, Dick or Stretch. Now, I realize I could have had you people with children out there tune away but I said: No, it’s a UN campaign. Everybody loves the U.N. and it’s going to be possibly shown on your TV anytime soon. Clinton should have done the spot. Clinton could have been in the spot. Clinton could have been the narrator for the spot for the U.N.
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