“Another letter supposedly written by the female hostage in Iran has been released. She makes a point (I find this hilarious) of saying that she and her 14 fellow hostages are being treated royally– ‘unlike the way we treated prisoners at Abu Ghraib’ Ha, ha! The Iranians are spouting Ted Kennedy talking points!”
“The New York Post said that Al Sharpton and Clinton recently enjoyed cigars together in Clinton’s Harlem office. Sharpton said, ‘I don’t think he even smokes cigars anymore since his bypass.’ Well, I’m sure he still does other things with them; it’s Bill Clinton that we’re talking about.”
“Dawn is not here, folks — she’s gone on a little trip — and so Wendy is here. She’s one of these incandescent or compact fluorescent freaks and brought in four or five of them demanding we switch all of our bulbs. But I dealt with that earlier, no sweat.”
“I don’t know who else the Media Research Center going to be able to give this William F. Buckley Award for Media Excellence to after I got it — who else is going to qualify? Just kidding.”
“Al Gore has been over there lobbying for himself for the Nobel Prize, and I’m doing this the dignified way by letting my rsum, merits, achievements, accomplishments, and devotion to liberty, freedom, and peace speak for itself.”
“Male bears don’t eat their own cubs, but they eat other cubs because when a mother is nursing she cannot be in heat — and all the male bears care about is sex. So they eat the cubs to stop the mom from nursing. It’s the Bill Clinton effect in the bear world.”
“Be careful about what? Snerdley’s warning me to be careful. You think I’m on the verge of getting in trouble again? You think I’ll get in trouble with women? Well, what’s new about that? I’ve been in trouble with women my whole life!”
“I’m just going to tell you up front — the premise of your question is that, somewhere in the mix, we can’t win. Well, we are the United States of America. We never lose unless we defeat ourselves. That so many Americans are absorbed with the concept of us losing is repugnant to me and makes me sick.”
“Henry Waxman is an evil hack.”
