“Paula Spencer sent a book along and, as all women do, she included her phone number. Ha, ha! I just love Dawn’s reaction. I said yesterday about how she’s one of us here, and we’re all guys. Dawn, you’re going to look back on these days and say, ‘Thank you guys so much for showing me another part of the world.'”
“Did you see where they got rid of the fat kid on American Idol last night? I didn’t watch it, either. I just thought I’d mention it and act like I watch it to relate to even more people.”
“USA Today has a poll: ‘Do you think anything’s wrong about the firing of eight US attorneys?’ 72% said, ‘Yes’. So72% of the American people are a bunch of blithering idiots who have no idea what they’re talking about.”
“What was wrong with my golf swing was I was standing too far from the ball and my posture was way too bent over. If I had been able to play in the AT&T tournament — and I’m not kidding here — I would have killed spectators.”
“So now we have a senior Democrat — Dianne Feinstein — who made sure that over a billion dollars of federal money got routed through her own checkbook with her husband as a proxy. When will we see a Democrat investigation into this brand of corruption? Hint: we won’t, folks.”
“I am being given a first-time award tonight. They created a new one: the William F. Buckley Greatest Conservative in the World Award or something like that. I forget what the actual name of it is, but it’s a real honor.”
“I have a reason for drinking bottled water: I can’t turn on my tap and get grape water or tropical fruit water. And now I’ve discovered bottled flavored water, and guess what? The commie babes on the left are going to try and take it away from me.”
“If an animal is about to become instinct we should start eating it; capitalism will see to it that there are farms of these animals. I mean, we don’t have a shortage of chicken. But don’t say that to animal-rights people because they’ll just go nuts. Straight logic is something they can’t deal with.”
“Liberals will not call here. I sometimes have to articulate the liberal argument myself in order to nuke it.”
