Story #1: Correction: Oscar the Cat Is Not Dead

RUSH: I have to start off with a correction today. We had a story Tuesday about that cat Oscar in Rhode Island, who lives in a nursing home. This cat seemed to have a sense of when residents of the old folks’ home were going to cash it in; the cat would jump on the bed of the patient about to cash it in, and the patient would cash it in. They said, “Well, this is incredible! How does this cat know this?” and a lot of the patients were getting a little upset about Oscar. So there was a story yesterday that the cat had been found dead in the nursing home with a dented bedpan near the body. A very curious member of our audience, Jay Cochensparger, called the nursing home up there to confirm this, because he thought the story might have been a hoax. Not that I was making it up, of course, but he thought it was a hoax, and the lady who answered the phone up there said that Oscar is indeed alive and well.

They heard the story, too, on the program up there and were quite surprised. Apparently this show’s big in there with the staff. So Mr. Cochensparger (I hope I’m pronouncing his name right) wanted me to know that Oscar the cat is still alive. I guess the patients up there don’t care, otherwise this story would be true. So it was a well-written hoax and I should have suspected it. I let my professional guard down; I should have suspected it because there was no identifying link, source, or whatever, but it was written pretty well as a hoax. So, anyway, it was just a cat, no big deal. The cat’s still alive. The story ends well.
Story #2: Farmer from India Solving Population Problem
RUSH: Did you see this story about this guy, where does this guy live? He’s a 90-year-old guy and his[21st] child was just born. He’s a farmer in India. His name is Nanu Ram Jogi, married to his fourth wife, and boasts he doesn’t want to stop — plans to continue producing children until he’s 100. “Women love me,” he says. There’s a picture of the guy here, and the fact that woman love this guy is probably established by the next story. Anyway, I was happy to see this because this guy is making up for my unwillingness in this department. And there is a birthrate replacement problem worldwide — at least my lack of willingness in this area is being compensated for by this guy.
Story #3: Women Attracted to Caveman-Like Faces
RUSH: This next story is from LiveScience.com (they have some great stuff): “Men With ‘Cavemen’ Faces Most Attractive to Women.” This Indian farmer doesn’t exactly look like a caveman, but he’ll never be on the cover of GQ, either. “Guys with bulldog-like faces have been chick magnets throughout human evolutionary history. A recent study of the skulls of human ancestors and modern humans finds that women, and thereby evolution, selected for males with relatively short upper faces.” What’s an upper face? A forehead? “The region between the brow and the upper-lip is scrunched proportionately to the overall size of their heads. Among the men who fit the bill: Will Smith and Brad Pitt.” Now, would any of you assign caveman-like faces to either of those two guys? I guess the next time a woman calls you a Cro-Magnon, it is a compliment, apparently.
Story #4: Gaza Strip Public Employees Paid to Stay Home
RUSH: Story from the Gaza strip: “Gaza’s public employees are getting paid on one condition: Stay home. Such is the irony of life in the Gaza Strip now that Hamas militants are firmly in charge. A rival pro-Western government in the West Bank is delivering salaries to most of Gaza’s civil servants as long as they don’t work.” For those of you in Rio Linda, this is government employees. “The moderate Fatah movement of Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas doesn’t want its money propping up Hamas, which violently seized control of Gaza in June. But neither does it want to punish Gaza’s mostly pro-Fatah 90,000 civil servants whose salaries form the backbone of the already badly bruised economy.”

I only mention this story because it portends trouble down the road. When they’re going to raise all these cigarette and tobacco taxes to fund increasing amounts of health care insurance for the little children so high that they basically tax the product out of existence, guess what? There isn’t going to be any tax revenue to pay for all of the health care insurance benefits for the little children (which, by the way, are qualified as children in this program up to age 25). It probably won’t be long — just a matter of time — before state and federal governments do the same thing that’s happening here in Gaza because when everybody stops smoking there won’t be any money to pay all these federal employees to actually work. But we’ll not stop paying them; they just won’t have to go to work because there’s nothing for them to do.
Story #5: ChiComs Sold Used Chopsticks

RUSH: A Beijing factory and used chopsticks are in the news. Some Beijing factorysold used chopsticks. They sold up to 100,000 pairs a day without any form of disinfection, a newspaper said on Wednesday, “in the latest of a string of Chinese food and product safety scares.” Do you believe that? Who recycles chopsticks, for crying out loud? Environmentalists wackos, I guess. I don’t even use them; I never learned how. Seriously, why would anybody recycle a chopstick?
Story #6: First Official Holiday Doom-and-Gloom Story

RUSH: “U.S. retailers…” This is so predictable. The only thing different here is that it’s August. I have for you, ladies and gentlemen, the first official doom-and-gloom story about the holiday season. It’s from Reuters. “U.S. retailers are still sweating through the back-to-school shopping season, but an early chill has already crept into their prospects for the all-important holiday season,” as it does every year in the Drive-By Media. They always present news to us that there is a chill over the retail outlook for the holiday season. They normally don’t do it in August, but they’re doing it today. “Numerous retailers, from Wal-Mart Stores to Target, have warned that the second half of the year will be more difficult than the first as the deteriorating housing market, higher fuel and food costs, and an undulating stock market take a toll on shoppers.” Wait a second, how could that be? I thought the stock market was for people in Wall Street! I thought Main Street didn’t benefit — oh, I take it back. When the market goes up, only the rich do well. When the market goes down, only Main Street suffers. Yup.

“‘There’s caution in the air,’ said Marie Driscoll, retail analyst at Standard & Poor’s. While saying it is too early to predict how holiday sales will unfold, Driscoll said that retailers will need to stock the ‘absolutely right product’ this holiday season or expect to have to resort to cutting prices and matching competitors’ discounts to win dollars from selective shoppers this year.” Have you ever noticed that every year when you people go out and Christmas shop, you search for deals? You don’t do it any other time of the year, apparently, but you’re always out there searching for deals and it’s up to the retailers now to make sure they don’t overstock the wrong items. Well, guess what? That is a concern. It’s part of the business plan 365 days a year, not just during the holidays. What did you say, H.R.? Oh, yes: I do that, too. Not only do I try to buy the wrong stuff during holiday time, I try to find the most expensive. In fact, if somebody is having a sale, I won’t go there, because I want to help the retailers who are charging full boat because I know they’re in trouble.
Story #7: “Experts” Stumped by Low Unemployment
RUSH: Companion story to the doom-and-gloom holiday one: “Fewer people signed up for jobless benefits last week, an encouraging sign that most businesses aren’t resorting to big layoffs amid a housing slump and the painful credit crunch.” Wait a minute. I thought we just heard that the holidays are going to be awful for these exact reasons! Here’s the story: “Deteriorating housing market, higher fuel and food costs, and an undulating stock market take a toll on shoppers,” it is thought. But, “Fewer people signed up for jobless benefits last week, an encouraging sign that most businesses aren’t resorting to big layoffs amid a housing slump and the painful credit crunch.” So what are we to believe? “The Labor Department reported Thursday that new applications filed for unemployment insurance dipped by 2,000 to 322,000 for the week ending Aug. 18. It marked the first drop in new claims in roughly a month. The showing was a bit higher than the 320,000 analysts were forecasting.” So once again the analysts, the “experts,” are stumped. Unemployment claims just didn’t come in the way they thought they were going to come in — as usual.
Story #8: Bail Them Out with Whose Money, Mr. Gross?
RUSH: Try this from CNN: “Famed bond fund manager Bill Gross…” Have you ever heard of “famed bond fund manager Bill Gross”? Have you, Brian? I’m in the bond market, and I never heard of the “famed bond fund manager Bill Gross.” Anyway, he said that “the White House should bail out the millions of American homeowners who face the dreaded prospect of foreclosure this year. ‘If we can bail out Chrysler, why can’t we support the American homeowner?’ Gross wrote in his monthly investment outlook on PIMCO’s Web site. With nearly 2 million homeowners at risk of losing their homes this year and with housing prices rapidly receding, Gross said President Bush, not the Federal Reserve, is the best hope for ‘almost homeless homeowners.’ … ‘Write some checks, bail them out, prevent a destructive housing deflation that (Fed Chairman) Ben Bernanke is unable to do. After all W”, you’re “the Decider,” aren’t you?’ Gross wrote.” Okay, famed bond fund manager, Bill Gross, a question. You want George Bush to rescue and bail out these homeowners. May I ask with whose money do you have in mind? I’d really like to know who’s going to bail them out.
Story #9: Aging Boomers Hope to Get It On in Old Age

RUSH: Here’s this story on CNN about the seasoned citizens having more sex than you think. Actually, this story does not relate to me because, I must be honest, I don’t think about seasoned citizens having sex — so I don’t know how they can be having more sex than I think that they’re having because I don’t think about it. In fact, I didn’t think about it until I saw this headline from CNN: “Seniors Having More Sex Than You Think — Many older Americans routinely engage in vaginal intercourse, [Lewinskys] and masturbation, a landmark study into a long-taboo subject reported Wednesday.”

Now — heh, heh — how many of you want to think about this now? “‘From a societal perspective, I would say that old people are young people later in life,’ said Dr. Stacy Tesler Lindau, lead author of the federally funded study, which was published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Sexual activity reported among the 3,005 men and women who participated in the survey did decrease with age, particularly among the oldest participants — from 73% among those 57 to 64 years of age to 53% among those 65 to 74 years of age to 26% among those 75 to 85 years of age… Among the survey’s many discoveries was that about half of those 57 to 75 years of age who remained sexually active reported engaging in [Lewinskys]… The figure on masturbation ‘reflects a level of sexual need, even among men at very advanced ages, and speaks to the fact that sexuality is a lifelong proposition,’ said Edward O. Laumann, a study co-author and a sociologist at the University of Chicago.”

Now, what is it do you think that prompted this? These things just don’t just happen. These scientists, these researchers, don’t just pop out of the jack-in-the-box one day and say, “You know, I wonder if old folks out there are getting it on?” I’ll tell you what the reason is why CNN is reporting this stuff — it’s because all of these Baby Boomers are about “me, me, me, me, me,” and wondering what it’s going to be like when they’re that old! They want to know if they can still go out and do the Lewinskys and all these other things so they decided to do a survey to find out what’s ahead of them… so to speak. I guess I could have said “in front of them,” but that would be worse.
Story #10: Walter Williams Column He’ll Discuss Tomorrow

RUSH: Okay, folks: I have the roster here of guest hosts for tomorrow and next week. We have Walter Williams on Friday. He has a great column today, too, and I didn’t get a chance to get to it. Tell Dr. Williams to share the theory in his column with the audience tomorrow.

*Note: Links to content outside RushLimbaugh.com usually become inactive over time.

Story #1:State-Run Media Can’t Disguise Bad Economic News

RUSH: Now, this is truly amazing. “New requests for unemployment benefits fell sharply last week, the first decline in a month and a hopeful sign after a raft of negative economic reports.” That’s AP. But there’s another AP story that says, regardless of numbers, it feels like a recession. So it’s getting harder and harder and harder for the partisan political operatives disguised as journalists to even carry the water here, so we go down to 473,000 instead of 500,000, and, yeah, yeah, okay, fine, but still we’re in trouble. It’s gotta be depressing to be at AP today.

So here’s their other story: “Regardless of Numbers, it Feels Like a Recession.” The Associated Press finally has to admit what we have known all along. There is no recovery and there never was. They tried to make it exciting: Only 473,000 jobless claims this week, as opposed to 500,000 last week. They tried to make it sound positive, but they’re not even buying their own line of BS at the AP anymore. “Businesses are ordering fewer goods. Home sales are the slowest in decades. Jobs are scarce, and unemployment claims are rising. Perhaps most worrisome, manufacturing activity, which had been one of the economy’s few bright spots, is faltering.” How many people believe that? That manufacturing had been one of the few bright spots? Most people believe that we’ve lost manufacturing; that it’s all gone elsewhere because of NAFTA.

“‘The odds of a double-dip are rising and uncomfortably high,’ said Mark Zandi, chief economist at Moody’s Analytics, referring to the possibility that the nation will tip back into recession. ‘Nothing else can go wrong. There is no cushion left.’ On Wednesday, the government offered the latest dose of grim news about the economic recovery: Companies cut back last month on their investments in equipment and machines. And Americans bought new homes at the weakest pace in nearly half a century. Earlier this week came news that sales of previously occupied homes fell last month to the lowest level in 15 years.” Why buy one when you can just move in? Squatters and so forth, why buy one?

“The economy has grown for a full year now, and many experts believe the recession technically ended in July 2009. But the pace of expansion has slowed significantly in the past six months.” There hasn’t been any expansion. You see, this is another example. They can write this. They can have their slaves report it. The average American knows there is no recovery and there is no expansion. And the American people are not surprised when any of this economic news is released. The only people surprised are the experts. “Economists are predicting the government will announce Friday that the economy grew from April to June even more slowly than previously thought, at an annual rate below 2 percent…” whatever they report is going to be revised down after everybody’s forgotten the original number. “Of course, for most Americans, the numbers are strictly academic.” Well! AP is finally getting to the nub of it.

“For Tim Reardon, a sales executive at a small Massachusetts company that installs kitchen counters and floors, August is shaping up to be the worst month of business in 11 years. His company cut a third of its staff and is placing factory orders a job at a time. ‘You definitely watch the pennies a little closer — everything from advertising to tools,’ he said. ‘This is feeling like another recession.’ For the average household, whether the economy is growing slightly or not at all may not matter much.” This truth from AP. “Two gauges that matter more are the unemployment rate, which is stuck at 9.5 percent, and home values, which are down about 30 percent from their 2006 peak. William Dunkelberg, an economics professor at Temple University’s School of Business and Management and chief economist of the National Federation of Independent Business…” these people have more words in their titles than dollars that they make. “William Dunkelberg, an economics professor at Temple University’s School of Business and Management and chief economist of the National Federation of Independent Business, ‘Who cares if it’s a second recession or a double-dip? Either way, things are not going well.'” He’s right, Dunkelberg’s right, don’t misunderstand. “Housing has never fully recovered from the recession. Builders have been forced to compete with foreclosed properties offered at sharply lower prices.”

So it’s a truth that they at least today can’t ignore; maybe there’s some bad moods and next week they’ll hop back on the positive gravy train. But you can see how economists can be confused. Recovery and recession both start with the letter R. Well, you have to give ’em credit. Housing prices peaked — did you hear that? Housing prices peaked four years ago. Now, what else happened four years ago? Four years ago is about when the Democrats began to talk down the economy so they could win in November of 2006. Four years ago is when the Democrat Party started launching into this assault on an economy where 4.7% was the unemployment number, where economic growth was still happening, and they were hell-bent on creating in people’s minds a depression if they could, not just a recession. And, lo and behold, housing prices peaked at that time.

Story #2:Trapped Chilean Miners Get Advice from NASA

RUSH: Look at this on Fox: “Trapped Miners in Chile to Get Advice from NASA.” I didn’t know that the trapped miners were Muslims! I am continually surprised each and every day on this program.

Story #3:72 Slain Migrant Workers Found on Mexican Border
RUSH: “The discovery of 72 slain Central and South American migrants on a ranch just south of the U.S. border provides a horrific reminder of the brutality of human trafficking in a country dominated by drug cartels.” That would be Mexico. “Migrants running the gauntlet up Mexico to reach the United States have long faced extortion, violence and theft. But reports have grown of mass kidnappings of migrants, who are forced to give the telephone numbers of relatives in the United States or back home who are then required to transfer ransom payments to the abductors. … In an April report, Amnesty International called the plight of tens of thousands of mainly Central American migrants crossing Mexico for the U.S. a major human rights crisis. The report called their journey ‘one of the most dangerous in the world’ and said every year an untold number of migrants disappear without a trace.”

Well, maybe, just maybe the leftists at Amnesty International will call on the US to do more to close its border, and maybe now Amnesty International will express its support for Arizona’s new legislation as well. I’m just kidding. We all know that the leftist group Amnesty International will do nothing to try to address the root of the problem. See, if we close the border the migrant traffic would stop, their kidnappings and killing would stop, if we would close the border. Where’s the outrage? Do the lives of illegal aliens only matter when they finally get into the United States? Is that the only time the Democrats are going to care about them? Illegal immigrants or migrants can be mass murdered before they get here and, ho-hum, no big deal. But when they get here it’s a whole different matter. I don’t know. It’s just another societal breakdown happening left and right, and the outrage misplaced over all of these kinds of incidents.

Story #4:Fox’s Major Garrett Doesn’t Need to be on Television

RUSH: Major Garrett has announced he’s leaving the Fox News Channel. He’s going back to print. He’s gonna work for the National Journal. The National Journal publishes The Hotline, a couple of other things. And everybody in Washington is stunned. He just got the primo chair in the White House briefing room because Fox News just got it. That’s the Helen Thomas chair. He’s leaving. He used to be at AP, Major Garrett did, then he quit that and went to Fox. I think before Fox he was at CNN. Somewhere there, maybe MSNBC, whatever, he ends up at Fox. Now he wants to go to the print publication, and they’re stunned. “I don’t want to be a reporter who goes on cable to talk about anything that I haven’t reported on specifically … If I reported something, written something, and Fox or CNN or MSNBC or BBC deems it important and wants to talk about it, I’m happy to talk about it, but that’s it. I have no interest in being on television simply to be on television.”

Do you know how rare that is? That is abnormally rare. (interruption) Fox did not get Helen’s chair? They just got moved to the front row? Okay, I thought they got Helen’s chair. It’s probably safer for Fox that they didn’t get Helen’s chair. This is rare for somebody to say you don’t want to be on TV just to be on TV. Everybody wants to be on TV just to be on TV. Major Garrett wants to go back to print.

Story #5: US Tax Money Go to Refurbishing Mosques Worldwide

RUSH: It happens to be true that we’re pouring money into mosques worldwide. For example, it was reported in the Washington Times in April that our ambassador to Tanzania participated in a ribbon cutting ceremony to celebrate the refurbishment of a 12th century mosque in Tanzania. The United States taxpayer provided funds to help the project all along, and it was not just that one — they provided financial assistance to save another mosque in Cairo. This mosque was named after a Muslim conqueror who defeated Christians in Egypt. So, yes, this is where our money is going.