RUSH: I may as well just say this. Anybody who thinks that I am irrelevant needs to hear this.

Greetings, my friends. Great to have you here. Rush Limbaugh, the EIB Network, and the Limbaugh Institute for Advanced Conservative Studies.

You know that cold that I have been fighting off? It really is amazing. I have some leftover Zicam and I’ve been using it, and I’m not kidding. The cold first appeared late last week and I immediately started taking steps to arrest the development of the cold, and it worked, I mean, it just stopped it from getting any worse, and the last couple of days I thought it was gone. I woke up this morning and it’s back. If I sound a little hoarse today, that is why, and I just wanted to explain this.

I was also sitting around last night wondering: The low-information voters out there, they must be lying awake at night wondering what else Obama hasn’t been told about. We have to learn to do this, folks. We have to learn to look at the news through the eyes of low-information voters. Hard as it is to believe, they really believe when they’re told that Obama wasn’t told about the IRS, when he wasn’t told about Benghazi, they believe that. You’re just gonna have to accept it.

There’s so much that poor Obama doesn’t know and hasn’t been told about. I picture these low-information voters lying awake at night worrying and wondering what else Obama hasn’t been told about. Because, I mean, he’s important to them. The low-information voters have been told that Obama is the only thing standing between them and the evil Republicans taking everything they have away from them. Obama’s it. Obama is the barrier, and everybody’s out now to get Obama. And the low-information voters, “He doesn’t know anything. Nobody’s telling him anything. It’s not his fault.” And they’re probably worrying, lying awake, ’cause the last thing they want is Republicans getting back into power because they think that means all their stuff is gonna be taken away from ’em.

Now, I saw this, I was told about this today, and I didn’t believe it. I thought somebody was toying with me. I thought somebody was goosing me. I thought somebody was razzing me. I thought somebody was just teasing me. Then I went and checked it myself. Ladies and gentlemen, we now know that a year ago, one year ago, the IRS investigated the targeting of Tea Party groups. And they reported to the acting director then, Steven Miller. They reported that there were substantial problems of bias. We know that this happened a year ago. We know the IRS was investigating, the inspector general was investigating the targeting of Tea Party groups, a year ago.

You’re probably saying, “Well, then how come it’s just now coming out?” Well, the New York Times has the answer. Do you know why the media is just now getting to the IRS story? It isn’t because of Lois Lerner. It isn’t because of Lois Lerner’s staged Q&A at the Bar Association meeting. It isn’t because of the acting general, even the inspector general report. No, no, no, no. The New York Times has an article this morning explaining that the media was too busy covering what I was saying about Sandra Fluke. They were so busy, that all of Washington was so absorbed with that story that they missed everything else going on that week and during that period of time. And during that period of time is when it was discovered that the IRS was investigating itself over targeting Tea Party groups.

So the New York Times, in a story this morning, is trying to blame me for the media not uncovering the IRS scandals before the elections. Now I’ve heard everything. This takes the cake. I have now surpassed Bush, folks, in terms of being responsible for things that have gone wrong. I mean, I’ve gotta put a notch in my belt on this one or something. Oh, I wish my dad were alive. Folks, my father would not believe any of this, ’cause I didn’t go to college. None of this stuff is supposed to be possible in his world because I didn’t go to college. Well, I didn’t get a degree. I went to college; I didn’t stay very long.

So there you have it. And, by the way, folks, the fact that the IRS story was not reported before the elections is a huge factor in Obama winning, make no mistake about it. I want you to imagine that everything happening now was happening last May and going into last summer, everything we’re hearing about the IRS, targeting the Tea Party and the IRS babe that was handling this now being promoted to handle Obamacare for the IRS, imagine all of this that’s happening now happening exactly one year ago. You think it would have an impact on the election. Damn right it would have. And this is why it was suppressed.

The entire effort, all of this stuff, the politicizing of all of this was designed to keep it hidden and unreported prior to the election. Ditto, Benghazi. Everything was about that. And now everything is about the Democrats winning the House in 2014 and giving Obama one-party rule. But I just want you to know, and maybe I should stand up and spank myself again. You don’t think so, Mr. Snerdley? Well, how ridiculous. The New York Times, folks, the paper of record, the greatest newspaper in the world. Let me read the passage to you. Snerdley, stop what you’re doing and listen. I want you to hear this ’cause we might get calls about it that you’ll have to screen.

Here from the New York Times: “Perhaps those who live in the nationÂ’s capital can be excused for missing the potential import of the IRS allegations because of everything else that was going on. … In the same week, Rush Limbaugh, the conservative icon and radio host,” had that kerfuffle with Sandra Fluke about birth control “and the fallout from that consumed Washington,” so much so that Mr. Obama eventually had to call Ms. Fluke. And, for that reason, the New York Times, the greatest newspaper in the world, is saying that I so distracted the media that they did not notice what was going on at the IRS, even though the IRS had made it public.

The IRS, the IG, everybody knew this was going on; they just didn’t care because I was in the news. And why was I in the news? In one context it does make sense. They thought they had me. After 24 years, they thought this was it. This was the moment that they would be rid of the EIB Network and the Limbaugh Institute for Advanced Conservative Studies, and they would be rid of me. They really thought it. And you know why it didn’t happen, folks? What do you think the answer to the question is? Why did they fail?

The audience. You people in this audience made it impossible for them to succeed in this. And I don’t want you to ever, ever forget, I don’t want you to ever think that I am not grateful and that I am not appreciative of the fact that you all are there and continue to say that you were there. And it’s the old adage: If the media didn’t make you, they can’t break you. But if the media does make you, in other words, if you become notorious, famous, supposedly successful because the media says you are, well, then, they can just as easily pull the rug out from under you. But the media had nothing to do with the success of this program. That is totally up to you people in the audience.

And try as hard as they have (and might again in the future), they have been unable to break that bond. It’s a bond they don’t even understand. Even if they’re listening to me now explain it to them, they don’t understand it. They think, “Ah, listen to this guy! He’s so full of himself, thinks this audience loves him. I can’t believe him.” They do not understand the familial-like bond that exists here. There are two ways to go with this.

I could ignore this and forget it, but I had to tell you. I had to pass this on. I don’t know how many of you read the New York Times, but this is just… (chuckling) Keep in mind, now, I’m supposed to be irrelevant and inconsequential. Oh, speaking of which, Mike, I want you to grab the tape of the presidential appearance the day after the fundraiser at Harvey Weinstein’s house. That three-minute clip? Yeah, yeah. It’s the one where he blamed me for everything.

We have people that need to hear this again, and I just wanted to reiterate that I made myself available to the president after his remarks about me. I said, “I’m more than willing to meet him when he wants, wherever he wants, to actually try to get things moving.” He blamed me at that fundraiser for the gridlock in Washington. He blamed me (somebody inconsequential and irrelevant) for the fact that nothing’s getting done, that his agenda isn’t moving forward.

I offered to meet with him, and I offered to meet with him where he wants, in private. No microphones. No showbiz. I offered to meet with him to actually give him some advice and tell him how to move things forward — and, if he’s interested, to tell him where I think he’s going wrong. If I’m this big obstacle, I’ve offered to talk about ways of perhaps removing the obstacle, with me remaining where I am. In other words, I’d be more than willing to meet with him and explain to him how I’m not the obstacle.

I am the solution, actually.

I’ve not heard from him.

But let’s go back and review. Now, again, the New York Times — the media, the Washington press corps, the New York press corps — couldn’t be bothered with any of the news about the IRS a year ago because of me. I was so distracting, I occupied so much of their time, the story was so fascinating, that they had blinders on. They were unable to let any other news story in. Here is the press conference that the president held the day after his fundraiser with Harvey Weinstein at his house in Manhattan.

(BEGIN PARODY)

REPORTER: Mr. President, you say the Republicans simply will not cooperate with you. You thought they might after you won your second term. Why exactly won’t they help you?

OBAMA IMPERSONATOR: It’s Rush Limbaugh’s fault. Uhhh, Chris?

REPORTER: It has been learned that the IRS did indeed target Tea Party and other conservative groups for tax audits and harassment during applications for tax-exempt status. Did you know about this, sir, and, if so, when did you learn about it, and what do you intend to do about it?

OBAMA IMPERSONATOR: That was Rush Limbaugh’s fault.

REPORTER: A follow-up, sir. It’s also come to light that the IRS officials in Washington were involved in the targeting of conservative groups, not just some low-level employees from Ohio. Could that imply a direct connection to your administration?

OBAMA IMPERSONATOR: That was Rush Limbaugh’s fault, yes.

REPORTER: Sir, you said yesterday that the talking points on Benghazi had not been altered, that they were only done at the request of the Republicans in Congress.

OBAMA IMPERSONATOR: No. That was Rush Limbaugh’s fault. Uhhh, Bill?

REPORTER: Susan Rice went on five Sunday morning television shows and claimed that the attack in Benghazi was due to a YouTube video making fun of Islam. It has since been learned that your administration knew well in advance of her appearance that the attack was a planned, orchestrated terrorist attack. Why was Susan Rice sent out so many days later to continue to say it happened because of the video?

OBAMA IMPERSONATOR: That was Rush Limbaugh’s fault. Uh, Ed?

REPORTER: Sir, the Justice Department has secretly collected two months of phone records of the Associated Press reporters and editors, ostensibly to find the source of a leak. The White House says it has no knowledge of the investigation, but isn’t the press protected under the First Amendment?

OBAMA IMPERSONATOR: It’s Rush Limbaugh’s fault. Matt, then David.

REPORTER: Mr. President, some Obamacare premium cost estimates are skyrocketing to as high as 400% of current premiums. Can you still honestly say health care costs will come down under your plan?

OBAMA IMPERSONATOR: That was also Rush Limbaugh’s fault.

REPORTER: Sir, the recession will have ended four years ago this summer, yet this is the weakest recovery since the Great Depression. Why haven’t you done more to promote economic growth?

OBAMA IMPERSONATOR: It’s Rush Limbaugh’s fault. Thank you for being here today.

(END PARODY)

RUSH: That’s the press conference a day after the Obama fundraiser at Harvey Weinstein’s house. Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel, and Tommy Hilfiger were in the audience there. I just want to reiterate that I’ve offered, again, to meet the president and I’ve not heard from him.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: I have a question.

You know, I understand it. It’s all well and good, people being concerned about the administration targeting the Associated Press and the administration targeting James Rosen (and now, we’ve learned, his parents). But, look, I’m a member of the media. I’m America’s Anchorman. Where is the outrage at trying to suppress me? This administration has been trying to suppress me long before they started going after the AP, and long before they started going after Fox News, and long before they started going after James Rosen.

I’m a member of the media. I’m America’s Anchorman. I’m as much a member of the media as anybody else is, and they’ve been targeting me. They have been trying to suppress me. I mean, Clinton, trying to blame me for the Oklahoma City bombing and a couple of other things? Obama warning people two weeks into office in the House not to talk to me or listen to me, that’s “not how things get done”? They’ve been targeting me. A few minutes ago, folks, I thanked you for making their efforts futile.

You really are the reasons why they fail. They can’t break the bond that exists here between you and me. Again, I’m never gonna be able to tell you adequately how much I cherish and appreciate that. You people out there are just the best. We just had our two-day sweepstakes at Two If By Tea. It was nearly a record. We’ve sold out of the tumblers. They’re gone. The Rush Revere on one side and the revered Rush on the other. Kathryn and I are gonna to be calling the winner. We can’t wait to do that. We’re at a near record here. You all are just fabulous. But it doesn’t mean they’re gonna not keep trying. They are. But why is there no concern over the effort to suppress me?

You know why?

“Oh, Rush can handle it. He doesn’t need anybody to defend him!”

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: Targeted by the Democrat Party for suppression since 1992, Rush Limbaugh and the EIB Network. Here is Shirley in Shelby, Ohio, as we grab our first phone call of the day. Great to have you, Shirley. Hi.

CALLER: Rush, your majesty, this is such an honor. I think you’ve been anointed by the New York Times as the king, the lord, the emperor of the United States. I’m almost speechless.

RUSH: You are referring to the news in the New York Times today that —

CALLER: Yes.

RUSH: — the media was unable —

CALLER: Yes.

RUSH: — to report on anything else —

CALLER: Yes.

RUSH: — the week of the Sandra Fluke story.

CALLER: You have more influence than the president. What’s he doing there? You should be in his place. You’ve got more influence.

RUSH: It is amazing.

CALLER: It’s amazing.

RUSH: It is amazing. He tells everybody that he can’t get anything done because of me.

CALLER: Yeah, I know.

RUSH: The New York Times says the media can’t get anything done because of me.

CALLER: It’s something. They’re declaring you the most influential emperor in the United States.

RUSH: Well, you know, in all four corners of the world I am a household name.

CALLER: Oh, yeah, let’s go there, let’s go. Listen, I’m almost 85, and I’ve seen ’em all, and this really — oh, boy, this puts the icing on the cake.

RUSH: You’re 85?

CALLER: Uh-huh.

RUSH: You don’t sound 85.

CALLER: I’m 85, my sister’s 88, and we listen to you all the time.

RUSH: That’s just amazing.

CALLER: You make my day.

RUSH: So that’s how you’re interpreting this New York Times story.

CALLER: Oh, sure. What else would it be?

RUSH: Well, you’ve been there. You’ve seen a lot.

CALLER: I’ve been there.

RUSH: You’ve no doubt done it all. (crosstalk)

CALLER: — what happened to them, and the same things coming over here, so what the hell. Oh, excuse me, I shouldn’ta said that.

RUSH: No, no, no. That’s fine. That’s fine. It’s clear. Like I said, folks, I have been targeted for suppression or worse since at least 1992, and actually before that. I mean, I’m a member of the media. They’re going after Fox. They’re going after James Rosen, James Rosen’s parents. They are going after William La Jeunesse at Fox, going after AP, but they’ve been going after me long before that. I’m a member of the media, too. I’m such a big part of the media here that I alone single-handedly seem to have the ability to distract the media in such a way that they don’t notice anything else when I’m in the news.